Seven More Minutes
by tuesdaymidnight
Summary: A dare one night brings outed high school seniors Edward and Jasper together for a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven, sparking a future that neither had imagined possible. Jasper’s POV. AU/AH/OOC. J/E Slash. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I was going to submit this to the Slash/Backslash contest, but technically this is an existing story so it's not eligible. (Which just means I'm going to play with different pairings...)

This is a companion to Seven Minutes in Heaven, but it can easily stand on its own. That is, you need not have read SMIH to enjoy this! I'll definitely add at least a few more chapters of Jasper's POV to this in the future. I may even extend this into a full story after SMIH is complete, depending on how much you like it. Oh, and I apologize for any typos. I just wanted to get this out there so I could focus back on SMIH. I hope you like it!

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"Liquid courage," Alice said, as she filled the shot glass with cheap whiskey. We couldn't drink the good stuff because her dad would be able to tell. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen weren't completely disapproving of underage drinking, because they knew we'd do it anyway. So long as we didn't overdo it and didn't try to drive or leave their house, both he and Esme turned a blind eye. The Cullen kids drank wine at holiday meals. Emmett had full access to his father's beer since he graduated high school last year. Or at least, he didn't ask, and his dad didn't question. Sometimes, we would climb up on the roof of their house and throw a few back, shooting the shit, and looking out over the town of Forks.

As I slugged the amber liquid back, I thought about my friend Alice and her two brothers.

The Cullen kids weren't like the other kids at school. They were well-adjusted. Confident. They didn't try so hard to be accepted like most high school kids seemed to do. Like I did.

Emmett had been one of the first friends I made at Forks High, after he started dating my sister and then convinced me to join the wrestling team. Alice and I had become fast friends immediately after I complimented her on a pair of shoes one day. I figured in that moment she knew I was gay, but she never, ever brought it up in two years of friendship, until I volunteered the information a few months ago.

After I came out to her, she scolded me for not telling her sooner, because she was itching to set me up with her twin.

It was she who told me that Edward was gay. Even though to make high school tolerable, he really didn't want anyone to know, the fact that I was in the same boat justified her breaking his confidence. She told me that she knew he was gay before he did, and he had come out to her two years ago, the summer after freshman year, then to his family a few months later. I wondered if she knew I was gay as soon as she met me, even before the shoe compliment, and then I realized, of course she did. Alice knew everything. By the glint in her eye, I could tell she was very serious about getting me and Edward together.

When I thought about it, it was obvious. He didn't really scream 'gay,' but there were a lot of signs. He was a little effeminate in his mannerisms, which no one else would notice except me, because I was so acutely aware of him. He didn't dress particularly fashionably, though Alice did what she could. On the other hand, he didn't dress slovenly like most teenage boys. He wore slim fitting jeans that made his ass, not to mention his bulge, look divine, and t-shirts that hugged his torso. He wasn't interested in a lot of the things the boys at Forks seemed to be, but he was still accepted. No one ever seemed to tease him or single him out. He didn't pretend to like rap music. He nearly always had a book with him, usually some piece of English or Russian literature. He didn't have a problem speaking up in class and seemed to genuinely enjoy engaging with his teachers. He neither bragged about, nor hid, his good grades the way a lot of the smart kids did. He was maddeningly cool.

Plus, he was beautiful.

Try as I might, I couldn't keep my mind off him.

It was a testament to Edward's face that I didn't spend all my time ogling his body. His eyes were green and absolutely piercing. You could tell that there was a whole world going on behind those eyes. His nose was perfect, straight, and symmetrical. He had beautiful high cheekbones and the most perfect chiseled jaw line I had ever seen. Even with his godlike features, I spent the most time daydreaming about his lips. His top lip came to a cupid's bow and his bottom lip was rounded, and they looked so soft.

I wanted them on mine.

It was his lips that drew me to him the first time I saw him. It was Rosalie's and my very first day at Forks High. The school year had already started, which was bad enough, but being in such a small town, the two new kids were gawked at like we were alien life forms. Only the Cullen kids, well, Emmett and Alice at least, didn't treat Rosie and me like we were the shiny new toys. Edward just seemed ambivalent.

At first, I didn't realize that Edward was their brother, and Alice's twin no less. Though, I noticed him that very first day when we were walking in toward the main office. When I saw him, he was leaning against a Volvo, with earbuds shoved into his ears and those beautiful lips were mouthing the words to whatever he was listening to. I wanted to watch him until I could tell what song it was, but Rosalie elbowed me in the ribs to stop my gawking. From then on, I tried not to think about him. I tried not to look at him. It was hard enough being the new kid. It was hard enough being an army brat. I didn't need to be the gay kid to top it all off, and being in the vicinity of the beautiful bronze god would give me away.

Of course, sometimes, when I was alone, when I couldn't be found out, I would lust after Edward Cullen.

Long before I knew that he was gay.

So here I was, in a closet, and the boy I secretly lusted after since moving to Forks was running his hands through his hair, looking terrified. I wanted to be the one running my hands through his coppery locks. I could practically feel his apprehension coming off him in waves; it was making me nervous in turn.

He had looked at me so shyly through his eyelashes when he found out I had a crush on him. His beautiful crooked smile positively beamed. The game of Truth or Dare was Alice's idea. She told me beforehand that she was going to ask me if I was gay, so when she did, I simply shrugged and said "yes." Rosie, one of the five living souls who knew of my sexuality before that moment, the others being Alice, my parents, and Grandma Hale, squealed and threw her arms around me.

She knew I was tired of hiding.

Emmett clapped me on the back. I was a little worried that one of my closest friends, a man who I had shared a locker room with, who I had wrestled with, would be completely wigged out. It didn't seem to bother him in the least. I guess it helped that his brother was gay, but somehow I didn't think it made a difference. Emmett was just accepting of other people for who they were. He was unapologetically Emmett, and he never expected anyone else to put on pretenses. Jake, who had also been on the wrestling team with me, just shrugged and gave me a pat on the back. I wasn't as close to him as I was Emmett, but we always got along. I knew he wouldn't go blabbing to everyone he knew that I was queer. I didn't know Bella very well, but she just smiled at me. I could almost see the matchmaking gleam in her eye as her gaze darted back to Edward. Riley, as I figured, had already guessed I was gay based on the way I interacted with Alice.

All in all, I was pleasantly surprised at how well it went.

What I didn't plan on in our little game was Emmett, on his turn, asking me who I had a crush on.

I don't know what gave me the boldness to say it. Maybe it was the "liquid courage," but the name "Edward" spilled from my lips.

I'm pretty sure most everyone in the room knew that Edward was gay. Rosalie didn't know outright, but she suspected it and had been trying to convince me of the same. Jake didn't look that surprised by the admission either, but he did turn to Bella, seemingly for confirmation, and she nodded. She was Edward's best friend, of course she knew.

Alice's boyfriend du jour, however, wasn't privy to the information, and so when Riley said,

"Edward? You're gay?"

Edward's face flushed, but he just smiled at me and nodded. That nod and that smile had given me all the reassurance I needed.

So, when Alice dared him to play Seven Minutes in Heaven with me, I knew he wanted to kiss me. Now that we were together in the closet and he had the opportunity in front of him, he was reluctant. I wondered if he was worried that he would be a bad kisser. He was always so confident though, it didn't seem like that would be the reason. It wasn't as if I had ever kissed a boy before, anyway. There's no way he could be a worse kisser than Lauren Mallory. Even if I had liked girls, the poor thing just had no idea what she was doing.

I had to say something to cut through the tension, so I finally just resigned myself. I couldn't make him kiss me if he wasn't ready, for whatever reason.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," I said softly, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

And then, this beautiful, neurotic eruption of words came out of his mouth, as he nervously explained in a rush that he admired me and wanted me. The perfect Edward Cullen was confirming his attraction to me. Then, I realized he was suggesting that it was the location most of all that was making him feel uncomfortable. We shouldn't be sharing our first kiss _inside_ a closet, he said, and the longer he spoke, the less right it felt to me, too. I'm sure he didn't really feel comfortable with his brother and sister on the other side of the door. Then again, I had been subjected to Em and Rosie's extreme PDA over the past two years, so _that_, for some reason, didn't bother me all that much.

Regardless, I latched onto my boldness and grabbed his hand and led him out of the closet.

Alice said something to us as we reentered the room, but I brushed her off. I knew that she was just trying to help, but something in the back of my mind told me that it was important for this not to happen in a closet in the Cullen's basement. It needed to be _our_ moment, not someone else's.

He clutched his soft, warm hand in mine as I led him out into the warm May evening. I didn't really have a destination in mind; I just knew I needed to get away from the prying eyes of my friends and my sister, away from the closet, and away from the Cullen's house, which had the potential to be a playground for bad decisions.

Playground, yes, that would do.

We were approaching the playground at Forks Elementary, and I reasoned that being in the proximity of an elementary school might remind me to keep myself under control. I headed for the swings. What I really wanted to do was jump Edward, rip his clothes off and do all kinds of unholy things to him. Not that I would really know what I was doing. Although, I had learned a thing or two from the collection of _Playguys_ I kept hidden among my _Vogues_.

My dad checked the internet browser history on the family's computer to monitor my mom's online shopping, and I didn't have a computer of my own, so internet porn wasn't really an option. I'm sure my dad would not appreciate finding youPorn and GayMovieDome in the browser history. I really didn't want to spank it in the family den anyway. My dad wouldn't snoop through my stack of fashion magazines. Once he realized that the fashion magazines continued coming into the house after Rosie left for college, he did what he was good at and avoided it. He blocked it out, and pretended that the stack of periodicals wasn't beside the bed in his son's room.

He was a pro at denial.

We all were, really.

It came with the territory of being a Hale.

No one except Alice, my partner in fashion, knew that I sometimes sketched designs in my spare time. I didn't have the drawing or sewing skills I needed to really go anywhere with it, but I had good ideas and knew what looked good. She and I spent long, secret hours, pouring through fashion magazines and shopping in Port Angeles. I didn't have a lot of money to spend on clothes. I had a job bagging groceries and corralling shopping carts in El Paso, but Forks didn't do a lot of hiring of high school students. My only source of money was doing some odd jobs around the neighborhood. Sometimes my Grandma Hale would send me money so I could buy clothes. She understood me better than anyone else, but I felt bad taking her money and using it on something so frivolous, despite her insistence.

Even though I had a budget, I tried to look good.

I usually succeeded, if I do say so myself.

From my perspective, it was the only thing that would have given my sexuality away.

So long as no one saw Alice and me together, that is.

She had a way of bringing out my inner flamboyancy.

I wondered if Edward had considered that I was gay before. As we sat idly on the playground swings, he asked me how long I knew. I assumed he meant how long I knew I was gay, but I couldn't help but flirt with him a little, so I asked him if he wanted to know how long I knew I was into him.

I could feel his lustful eyes on me.

But, he deserved to know that my coming out hadn't been the same as his. He deserved to know the reason behind why I had tried not to think about him in _that_ way, why I wasn't sure how far I wanted to go with this, why I was still really uneasy with people knowing, and why I wanted to keep my desire in check. All the time I spent with Alice and Emmet, I safely assumed that Dr. and Mrs. Cullen knew of their son's sexuality and were nothing but supportive.

My family was still getting used to the idea.

I knew my mother was a little disappointed when I first told her, but she had grown a lot more accepting of it since we moved. Sometimes, she would even point out attractive men to me, or ask if I found certain celebrities attractive, the same way she would with Rosalie.

My father, on the other hand, still wore his disappointment on his sleeve. I told Edward about how I thought there was something wrong with me when I didn't react the same way all friends seemed to when they were looking at naked chicks, and when I went to talk to my father about it, he didn't exactly discourage me from the idea that I was defective.

Edward looked shocked, then horrified, and then hurt, as if he could feel the pain that still radiated off me when I thought about it.

I tried to justify my father to him. I knew that my dad loved me, but having a gay son was something so foreign to him, he just couldn't process it, let alone fully accept it. He was trying though. Dad didn't leave the room whenever homosexuality became a topic on the news or at the dinner table anymore. Sometimes, when Rosie and I were helping him work on his car, or when he'd join me in shooting hoops in the driveway, he would treat me as just his son. Not his _gay_ son.

It was funny; his mother, my grandmother, was the most accepting of any of my family members. She wasn't shocked at all when I told her that I was gay. The way my father always talked about her, I assumed that she was like him, and hardly knew that the word "gay" meant more than "happy." But, she was immediately accepting and incredibly supportive. I really hated that she lived so far away.

It didn't make up for my father's day to day looks of disappointment.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Edward said, breaking my train of thought.

His words and his empathy were so genuine that my heart melted. I panicked for a moment, at his tenderness and what it meant, so I pushed myself off the swing. I needed to clear my head for a moment. I started walking aimlessly, but it occurred to me that I may have offended him, when I was really just overwhelmed. So, I turned to look at him, and jerked my head for him to follow me.

I walked toward one of the playground structures and climbed up the ladder.

I could feel his presence behind me.

I finally stopped in the lookout tower of the play fort, ducking my head under the low doorway, and sat down. Moments later he joined me, with the most curious expression on his beautiful face. He sat down Indian style in front of me, knees brushing up against mine.

"Jasper?" he asked.

"Yes, Edward," I tried to keep my voice even, despite my heart trying to beat out of my chest.

Then he said the sweetest words I'd ever heard come out of his lips,

"Can I kiss you now?"

"Yes," I said simply.

He leaned into me and I had a brief argument within myself whether or not I should keep my eyes open. They closed on their own. As soon as I felt his lips close to mine, my other senses shut down, wanting all of my attention focused on this feeling.

His lips were as soft as I had imagined, and warm. He tasted so sweet. My tongue didn't enter his mouth, but I let it graze against his lower lip before we parted.

It was perfect.

It wasn't enough.

Before I could make a move, he pounced on me in a move that made my dick instantly hard.

He began to unbutton my shirt while he kissed me thoroughly and lustfully. His tongue danced with mine where our lips joined together, and I lost myself in his taste. Eventually he moved from my lips and began to absolutely worship my chest. I got the feeling that he had thought about what he was doing before this. Then, he brushed his teeth against my nipples, and I think I hissed.

Who knew that nipples were so arousing?

When I let my mind drift from the sensations, I realized that he was basically dry-humping my leg, and that meant I could feel his erection rubbing against me. I wanted to feel it. I wanted to know what he was packing in those jeans. I wanted to touch and press his naked form against me. I wanted to push my dick into his sweet lips, and I wanted to wrap my own around his. I wanted things that I never really thought I'd be able to do from the safety of my closet.

Then, he brushed his tongue around my ear, and it felt so fucking good I had to stop him from going any further or else I was going to embarrass myself by creaming my jeans.

"You have no idea how you've tortured me," I muttered.

I needed to touch him.

I pulled the offending t-shirt from him and gazed at his perfect chest. My own body was covered in scars. I'd earned a lot of impressive ones from helping on my uncle's ranch as a kid during summers, from skateboarding, from all the stupid stunts my friends in Texas pulled with me when we were younger, and from all the stupid stunts Emmett got me into still. The worst one was the wide scar on my back from where Rosalie stabbed me with a flathead screwdriver, just because I called her ugly.

That's how I remembered the incident anyway.

Edward, on the other hand, was glorious.

Godlike.

Marble.

It wasn't just his chest I wanted to ogle.

I placed my hand on his hip and turned him around so I could pull him back against me. I could feel how willing he was as he settled against me and I began to worship his back.

His back tortured me almost as much as his lips.

My dad had tried to get me to try out for the baseball team my first spring in Forks. I played on the JV team my freshman year in El Paso. I loved baseball, but playing officially on a team had killed the fun for me. Not to mention, the polyester uniforms made me cringe. Plus, a side benefit to having my spring free was being able to go to track meets with Alice, to show school spirit, of course. Edward ran the long distance races, and I spent a good portion of those meets watching the expression on his face as he ran. His beautiful chiseled features looked like he was concentrating very hard on something, and yet at the same time, he was somewhere far away and peaceful. When I could pull myself away from his face, I would imagine him running without his Forks team shirt getting in the way. I could picture the way the muscles of his back rippled as he pumped his arms in perfect rhythm with his sinewy legs, propelling him forward.

He had no idea how good he looked from behind.

I _needed_ to kiss his back.

I started at the base of his neck and I could feel him shiver.

I trailed my lips down his beautiful muscles, and when I reached the small of his back, he hissed my name.

I was starting to lose my ability to communicate rationally, so I just said,

"Need... more."

I slipped my hand down the front of his body, under the waistbands of his jeans and boxers and wrapped my hand around his throbbing hard cock. I had never touched a penis other than my own, but somehow it felt familiar, natural, for my hand to be there. It also felt, well, it felt big. We were probably about the same size, but when I thought about going beyond touching, the prospect of putting his dick in my mouth or anywhere else was a little intimidating.

I was hoping I could make him feel good with just my hand.

I needed some type of lubrication, so I did the only thing I could think of and coated my hand in my saliva. It was a boost to my ego when I heard him whimper as I removed my hand to give it a good lick. When I replaced it, he bucked back against me, creating some friction on my own erection. I used my free hand to unzip my jeans, so the zipper wouldn't get in the way of what was essentially me dry humping Edward's back. Well, it was more like his back was dry-humping me. He tilted himself slightly, lowering his own jeans a little, pushing his ass upward in the process, so with the way we were now situated, my dick was quite close to his crack.

It felt so good, and he hadn't even really touched me yet.

I started letting my virginal mind wander as I stroked him, and I thought about what it would be like to plunge my dick into that ass. I really had no idea what it would feel like, but just the idea of it made me soar. A sexual relationship with a man, with Edward, was actually happening. I was getting impossibly close to bursting at the idea, so I started stroking him faster. He started bucking more rhythmically. He must have known what he was doing to me. Then, his body's response changed and I knew that he was going to climax.

He came in spurts that I tried to catch in my waiting hand, reaching my left hand around to coax a few more shudders out of him. Doing so, I leaned forward, and it put my body impossibly close to his. As he bucked back, it was too much, I was too turned on to stop it, and I exploded onto his bare, beautiful back.

After a few moments to come back down to earth, it occurred to me that I had a mess on my hands.

I wondered, briefly, what his cum would taste like, but I didn't think I really wanted to test those waters yet, and what if Edward saw me and thought it was weird? So, I grabbed the handkerchief I always had with me and wiped off my hand and my own spunk off Edward's back. He still hadn't said anything, but was doubled over, panting.

Then, he pressed back against me and he felt so warm and delicious, I didn't want to ever leave this moment. I had to know that he felt close to what I was feeling.

"Say something," I whispered against his skin.

"I don't... fuck... couldn't string together... coherent sentence if I wanted to."

"So you liked it?" I couldn't help the grin from sprawling across my face.

Instead of speaking, he turned back around, straddled my lap, and pressed his lips against mine once more.

My dick was starting to harden again, which seemed impossible, but I could see Edward's doing the same.

His bare chest felt so amazing pressed up against mine. It was as if every nerve in my body was jumping in excitement at the chance to become awoken by Edward Cullen. I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted to explore his entire body. Though I enjoyed the places he was finding on my body that I had never before considered sexual, I took even more pleasure in touching him, making him moan. By the noise he made, I thought he was going to come again when I found a spot behind his ear, and then again when I licked around his collar bones.

All too soon, we started shivering from the increasingly chilling air.

"We should probably go," I said, my voice dripping with reluctance.

"Yeah, I guess," Edward responded, the tone of his voice matching mine.

He moved to put his shirt back on, but as soon as his head popped through it, he started laughing.

I began to panic.

This was the most intense experience I'd ever had in my life, and he was laughing?

"What? What's so funny?"

"Well, first of all, what we just did," he was having trouble getting the words out. "Children _play_ here. We just violated every future game of cowboys and Indians, or whatever, that the kids of Forks will ever play here."

Okay, I could see the humor in that.

"Second, I was freaked out about kissing you inside a closet, and we ended up in a playground fort that has some very distinct closet-like features."

I started to chuckle nervously. I'm not sure why I had chosen to climb up into the fort. Subconsciously, or maybe not so subconsciously, I liked the security of the closet.

"And third," he was gasping for breath now. "There is no way Alice won't be able to tell exactly what just happened between us, because there's nothing that could stop me from walking around with a shit-eating grin on my face for at least the next week. Not to mention I'm probably _glowing_ right now."

His laughter was infectious, and it overcame me, too. He definitely looked freshly fucked and was practically vibrating with flushed excitement. I could only imagine what I looked like.

Eventually, I was able to stop laughing enough to make it down the ladder, and we headed back to the Cullen's under the starry night sky.

I glanced slyly over at my companion as we walked. He looked very lost in thought, and given his nerves from earlier I had a feeling he was worried about how I felt about the evening's events. So, I grabbed his hand as we walked back to his house together. It felt good to hold his hand. That little bit of visible affection made my heart soar. Being out and proud in public was something I often thought about, dreamed about. I didn't know what it would be like, to go out in the world and have people know that I was gay. To see me holding the hand of a man, or kissing a man. To be so honest.

Part of it thrilled me and part of it terrified me, so I tried to focus my thoughts on something less taxing.

Alice.

Alice was definitely going to be excited. I wonder how she'd feel about hearing about her twin brother getting a hand job, but I surely couldn't tell anyone else what happened.

I wasn't sure Rosie, despite her support, would want to her about her brother's hands all over another boy.

I wasn't sure if this changed anything about how I wanted the world to see me right now.

I wasn't sure if this meant that Edward wanted to take whatever this thing between us was, to a different level.

What I was sure of, was that we needed to do that again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I just kind of have a thing for Jasper... and Jackson Rathbone... and those lips...

**A/N: **This is a companion to Seven Minutes in Heaven, but it can easily stand on its own. Occasionally, I will use some dialog from SMIH, but I will try to do so sparingly. This is Jasper's story, and I want it to be his own as much as possible. I hope you enjoy it.

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I was fairly certain Felix was insane.

He would sit in front of his computer for what I'm pretty sure amounted to days. His desk was littered with Pop-Tart wrappers, empty Coke cans and bottles of Arizona tea, which I wouldn't have been shocked to find out that he used as pee bottles. I didn't know if he ever got up from the desk, let alone go to class, engage in live human interaction, or take care of basic human bodily functions.

I had nothing against nerds. I had my nerdy tendencies. I could tell Armani from Dolce & Gabbana with a glance, and I knew when a woman's shoes were last season. I wasn't just a fashion nerd. I knew a passable amount of information about motherboards and RAM. So, who was I to judge? But, Felix didn't just _like_ computers or enjoy playing first person shooters and MMORPGs; he literally didn't do anything else.

Granted, I wasn't in the room a lot of the time, so it's possible he just did it to avoid me, but even when Alice came over, she couldn't coax him out of his shell. Normally, Alice could have a total stranger wrapped around her finger within minutes, but I'm pretty sure Felix was too afraid of me to even give Alice a chance.

I had moved in early in the morning the first day of Freshman orientation week. My mom and Rosalie were helping me unpack while my dad stood as still as a statue awkwardly in the middle of the room. After he helped me build the loft, there wasn't much he felt comfortable doing. So, the first thing Felix saw when he walked into his dorm room was a retired Colonel barking out complaints about how many clothes I had, after Rosalie and I couldn't get everything to fit.

I'm pretty sure it was a subtle dig at my sexuality on dad's part. On the surface, he seemed okay with me being gay, but he really wasn't capable of teasing me about my love of clothing or my fashion magazine addiction the way mom and Rosie could. His bitterness still kind of came out. But, Felix and his mom didn't know that, so they probably just thought he was a dick. Well, sometimes he was. Luckily, I kept my never-to-be-realized teenage dream of becoming a fashion designer to myself.

Nevertheless, Felix's mom politely introduced herself and thanked dad profusely for putting the loft together. Felix's parents were divorced and I got the feeling that his dad wasn't in the picture much. As if in contrast with his mom's gregariousness, Felix didn't say a word. After my family left, he still didn't seem to open to conversation, so as he set up his computer, I finally just decided to be blunt.

"Hey, Felix. I'm gay. I hope that's not a problem."

"You?" His expression was a mixture of shock and embarrassment. At least he didn't seem repulsed.

"Yeah," I said dryly. "That picture of Megan Fox on your desktop does nothing for me."

"Oh, uh, sorry, should I..." he trailed off, blushing furiously at the poster of Miranda Kerr he had put up beside his desk.

"Dude, relax," I tried not to laugh. "You can put up all the pictures of swimsuit models you want. T&A doesn't do anything for me. I just thought you should know. In case you wanted to switch roommates or something, before you get too settled." I shrugged as I spoke, even though I was really nervous wreck inside, all the while trying to bite my tongue on the comment about the David Jones swimsuit Miranda was wearing being two seasons ago.

I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to hide from my sexuality anymore now that I was in college. Felix didn't know it, but he was the first stranger I had told I was gay. I was actually really proud that the words came out so easily. Even though I didn't know Felix and had a feeling that we weren't exactly going to become best friends, I really didn't want him to reject me as a roommate, especially because of my sexuality.

"Why would I switch roommates?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"I don't know, you know. If it makes you uncomfortable or offends you."

"Oh," he said flatly. "It doesn't bother me. I'm not religious or anything." Then he just shrugged and turned back to his computer.

All in all, it wasn't a bad coming out experience.

On the other hand, Felix and I never really became friends. Eventually, I got over myself and realized that it wasn't my being gay that was the issue, it was the fact that the kid drove me crazy. I was a neat person. We lived in such a small space, it only made sense that everything should have a place and go back in that place when not in use. Felix, on the other hand, was practically allergic to this philosophy. He would leave books and papers everywhere, the only sign that he actually went to class. Not to mention, he just threw his dirty clothes into his closet and did laundry so rarely that they spilled out of it. The smell from his side of the room wasn't particularly pleasant, like old gym socks that have been soaking in hot dog cart water.

The first time he left a pizza box on the futon over night when it still had a couple slices left in it, I let it go. He asked me the next day if I thought the slices had gone bad. Then, he looked at me like I told him Santa Claus wasn't real when I said it wouldn't be a good idea to eat the leftover slices after they had been sitting out like that.

The second time he did it?

I lost it.

I'm not sure what would have happened if Felix hadn't returned to our dorm room when he did, but as it was, he found me with a huge trash bag, violently throwing all of his garbage into it. The empty cans, bottles, and food wrappers were first, but then, I started indiscriminately throwing papers into it.

"What are you doing with my Bio notes?" he shrieked. It was the first time I heard him raise his voice.

"Clean up your fucking shit!" I bellowed back. "Or it's going in the fucking garbage. I can't live like this! You're disgusting!"

"That doesn't mean you can throw away my property!"

"Property? Your collection of empty cans? Your moldy pizza? Your old, crumpled up math homework? How do you not have leprosy?"

By this point, I had dropped the garbage bag and was glowering down at Felix where he still stood in the doorway. I had a good 6 inches of height on him, and he was more than a little doughy, so he knew there wasn't a damn thing he could do to win this. Lucky for him, our RA heard us shouting and intervened shortly thereafter. We had to sit in his room – a neutral location – for a mediation session where we both "calmly and rationally" made our complaints. Eventually, I had to agree not to touch his stuff unless it was in the shared area of our dorm room, and he had to promise that he would make an effort to be neater and do laundry at first sign of odor.

He still left an army of cans on his desk, but he really did make an effort after that. I discovered I only had to glare at him, and he got the picture. It made our relationship hang on the balance, but that seemed fine with both of us. I still went over to Alice's room to escape a lot.

Of course, I loved Alice to pieces, but one of the additional reasons for my frequent visits was because I quickly learned that girl's dorms smelled a lot better than boy's dorms, like cucumber melon lotion and microwave popcorn. After living in the swamp ass fog that pervaded my all-male dorm, my nose enjoyed the respite. Alice's roommate was an art major, so their room was decked out in bright colors and some of her original artwork, but it wasn't gaudy or uninviting. It was just enough to make me that much more annoyed with Felix's slovenly existence. Though, I managed to get away with putting up a Fight Club poster in our room. Luckily, it had enough cred that no one suggested I had it up more for Brad Pitt's sake. At least I got away with putting up something to counteract Felix's increasing harem of bikini models.

The other guys in my dorm were all right. Collectively everyone on my floor hated our RA, so we had to ban together to get away with shit. The only two I really befriended, though, were the guys who lived next door, Paul and Jared. They had known each other in high school and were both just really chill.

They had a huge flat screen and way too many gaming systems. Once Paul found out that I was better than Jared at Madden NFL, he invited me over all the time to play, so he could vicariously rub it in to Jared. They were also big sports fans in general, so they always invited me over to take advantage of their ridiculous media set up. It was comfortable hanging out with them, they were just... normal. Which is why I was nervous to tell them I was gay.

I told myself I shouldn't have to tell them, because it wasn't really a big deal. No one introduces themselves by saying "by the way, I'm straight." With Felix it was different since we lived together, I told myself, but I was just rationalizing. I knew I spent more waking hours next door with Paul and Jared than I did in my own room, and I felt like I couldn't truly be friends with someone unless they knew that part of me. So, to half-assedly keep my promise to myself that I wouldn't hide, I never pretended to like girls the way I did in Forks. After they noticed that I spent a lot of time with Alice and asked me if she was my girlfriend, I told them 'no' and that she wasn't my type. I couldn't let her be my beard the way she kind of was in high school.

It took Kim Kardashian to out me.

One afternoon, I wandered over next door. Felix was playing some game online and was shouting orders into his headset. I couldn't tune him out enough to do my trigonometry homework. Not to mention, I didn't give a damn about sohcahtoa, or whatever. So, I thought I could challenge Jared to a round of Madden instead. When I popped into their dorm room, they were in the middle of a heated debate.

"But, look at that ass, man!" Jared insisted.

"Dude, she looks like she's molded out of plastic," Paul groaned.

"No way, man. She's hot."

"You'd have to take a pickaxe to her face to get all that makeup off. Oh, hey, Jasper." Paul took notice of me standing in the doorway.

I grunted a greeting to both of them as I wandered in and plopped down on their futon.

"All right, Jasper will agree with me," Jared said.

I swallowed hard. I didn't like where this was going, but it would be really weird if I just up and walked out of the room after just coming in.

"Agree with what?" I tried to stop my heart from beating out of my chest.

This was it.

"Would you fuck Kim Kardashian? Paul says he wouldn't, but he's an idiot. She's fucking sexy as hell."

"Uh," I tried to stall and come up with the most ambiguous answer possible. "No, I'm with Paul on this one."

"What!?" Jared rolled his eyes. "Why not?"

"Sorry, she just doesn't do it for me."

"Oh, come on," he turned his computer monitor toward me, revealing a picture of her posing with Reggie Bush.

Shit. He was fucking built.

I could feel my cheeks redden.

"See! You're blushing!" Jared cried out. "You would to fuck her."

"No, no I wouldn't," I sighed and shifted uncomfortably on their futon.

They both seemed to sense the seriousness in my voice, so Paul got up and shut the door before sitting down next to me on the futon.

"What is it, Jasper?" Paul's voice had softened. "Are you a virgin or something? Waiting till you get married?"

They both knew how strict my dad was; I think they probably assumed that my upbringing resulted in prudish behavior. They obviously had yet to see Em and Rosie together. They went at it like the ship was going down in front of anyone except my dad.

"Uh..." I eloquently started.

"Because that's cool, dude, really," Paul broke in. "Jared's all talk anyway. He's only slept with one girl, and he just started fooling around her with this summer. He wouldn't have a clue what to do if Kim Kardashian walked into the room right now."

"Fuck you, Paul," Jared said. "But, seriously, it's not a big deal. We're your friends. If it makes you uncomfortable talking about sex, I can tone it down."

"Well... thanks," I started again. I stopped to take a deep breath, but it didn't stop my face from feeling hot. "I am a virgin, technically. I mean, I've gotten blow jobs and stuff, but never... you know... but, that's not why I'm... uncomfortable."

They were both looking at me with such friendly concern, I was almost reassured that they wouldn't freak out, but the doubt crept up in the back of my mind and images of my family's shocked faces came to the forefront.

"Look," Paul said finally. "You don't have to tell us anything you don't want to."

"No, it's okay. It's just... well... I wouldn't fuck Kim Kardashian for the sole reason that she's a chick."

Simultaneously, their faces morphed from confusion to slow understanding.

"I'm gay," I cut in, before they could speak.

"That's a relief," Paul exclaimed.

"Huh?" I questioned, my whole body was rigid with tension.

"I was worried that you'd gone through some horrible trauma when you were a kid or something."

"Or, that you were a eunuch," Jared joked.

This was not the response I was expecting at all.

"So... you don't care?"

"No, man," Paul said. "You can't help who you're attracted to."

I looked toward Jared, and he shrugged before saying, "It's not a big deal. One my cousins I grew up with is gay." He paused and looked thoughtful for a minute. I was afraid he was going to offer to set me up with his cousin when he broke out, "But, if you like ass, I still don't understand why you wouldn't fuck Kim Kardahsian."

I couldn't hold in my strangled laughter. "Sorry man, I may like ass, but not when it's attached to a woman."

"Hah!" Paul said. "You lose. Two against one. Kim Kardashian is officially not fuckable."

"Reggie Bush on the other hand..." I said slyly, cautiously testing their limits.

"Hell," Jared said, turning his gaze back to the picture on his computer monitor. "I think even I'd consider fucking Reggie Bush. He's a good looking dude."

The three of us laughed, and I finally relaxed into the couch.

"Thanks," I finally said, my heart rate returning to its normal pace.

"For what?" Jared queried.

"For not being weird about this. I wasn't exactly out in high school."

"You were out enough to do _something_," Paul said, referring to my blow job admission.

"Well, yeah..." I said with a smirk.

"Out with it, Hale," Jared said. "I've been listening to Paul go on and on about this Rachel chick from his English Lit class for weeks now."

Paul snorted.

"Well... there's this guy from my home town. I kind of had a thing for him in high school, but I wasn't entirely sure he was gay. Anyway, it turns out he is, and we spent some time this summer... uh... getting to know each other better." I was pretty sure my cheeks were burning again. The last time I felt this exposed was the night I came out in front of Edward.

"Did he go somewhere else for college?"

"Nah, he's here at UW."

"Well, then why haven't we met the lad?" Jared teased.

"We're not exactly together or anything," I said.

"Ah, fuck buddy," Jared nodded knowingly.

"No!" I shocked myself at my knee-jerk reaction. Edward wasn't just a fuck buddy, he was my dream man. He was perfect. But, I couldn't admit any of that to these guys, so I back-peddled. "We decided to keep things open."

Jared and Paul both looked at me like they knew I was a fucking liar, but luckily, neither of them called me out on it.

"Well, what's his name?" Paul asked.

"Edward," I couldn't fully suppress the sigh as his name spilled from my lips. I cleared my throat in a lame attempt to cover it up with some rambling. "He's Alice's brother – twin, actually. Though, they don't look anything alike. That would be too weird."

"You should bring him over some time," Paul suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," was my vague response.

Luckily, Jared got a text about meeting some of the other guys for dinner, effectively ending the conversation.

I did see Edward on occasion. Sometimes Alice would invite him over when I was there, and once in awhile he would be at the gym with Emmett. He was still as gorgeous as ever, but being in college seemed to make him light up from the inside. He practically glowed. It was hard to keep my eyes off him. Emmett mocked me mercilessly when I almost dropped a 40 lb dumbbell on my foot while checking out his little brother on the treadmill.

After he stopped laughing, he just bluntly came out and said, "Just ask him out, dude."

I shook my head and told Em to drop it. Luckily, Em knew me well enough not to pry.

I really did try not to pine for Edward too much. I knew he could do so much better than me, but when I saw him I just couldn't always hide my attraction. Even after our summer rendezvous, I ached to get closer to him. In my rare moments of being honest with myself, I could admit that what I felt for him far surpassed lust and teetered on love. I just felt like I knew him, from over two years of stealing glances and paying close attention whenever his brother or his twin brought him up, but also just the way it felt so right when we were together. But, I didn't really even know how to approach him in a way that wasn't a come on. I used the pennant races as an excuse to talk to him for awhile, but baseball season wasn't going to last forever.

So, I hid my awkwardness by surreptitiously groping him when no one was paying attention, well, other than Alice. She noticed everything.

One night, Edward and I walked back to our dorms together from Alice's room. I just couldn't help myself and pressed him up against the door of his dormitory. I felt his hard on against my hips, so I pushed my lips forcefully against his. His lips parted immediately, and his talented tongue plunged sensuously into my mouth. Unfortunately, a group of drunks guys were heading into the dorm at the time, and a slur of "fucking faggots" was enough to kill the mood.

Edward invited me out the next day, but he had some sort of gay and lesbian club meeting to go to. He told me I could come along, but I just wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea. I had told a couple more people on my floor I was gay, as well as a couple girls in my classes when they tried to flirt with me. But, I wasn't really ready to go the whole activist route. Yes, I wanted to not be discriminated against and wanted to be afforded the rights of straight people, but I simply didn't feel comfortable drawing more attention to myself and being put up on the chopping block to do it.

Sometimes I would ask Alice, not very surreptitiously, to invite Edward to come out with us when we went to parties, but if she did, he never came with us. Alice always said he was busy studying, which I could believe when we went out on Thursdays, and sometimes even Wednesdays, but Friday and Saturday? No one studied that much.

I certainly didn't.

My classes were terrible. I was a pretty good student in high school, but I just didn't anticipate how hard college was. I was only a general studies major and was taking Gen-Ed courses that would apply to practically any major once I made that decision, but the amount of homework I was given was absolutely ridiculous. Pages and pages of trig problems took me forever, and then there was the freshman composition class that literally had us turn in a piece of writing every time class met. They weren't supposed to be long sweeping epics or anything, but still, it was a lot of busy work, and I had a really hard time finding the motivation to even bother.

There was always something else going on around me that better held my attention. I knew I was supposed to care about my classes, but I just didn't.

I did go to class most of the time, but other than composition, they were all big lecture classes, and it was pretty easy to slink down in the back and take a nap, or secretly listen to my ipod. I'm not sure why all professors seemed to speak in monotone, but the lull of a droning academic reminded me of the buzzing of insects on a summer day. It was unfortunately very relaxing.

I talked to Emmett about it once in a rare serious conversation. I knew he wasn't always the best student, but it wasn't because he wasn't smart. Emmett was actually one of the smartest people I knew, but if something wasn't fun, he just didn't want to do it. I think that was part of the reason why he was an education major; if he got to be around kids all day, then he'd never feel fully grown up. He told me classes were _supposed_ to suck, which was good to hear, but he also advised that I had to get through all the basic courses so I could take what I was really interested in. The problem was, Emmett knew what he wanted to do. I had no clue.

I really felt like I was wasting my time, not to mention my money. My biggest fear was I was going to be in debt for years and would have nothing to show for it.

It got to the point where the only thing I would look forward to was going out with Alice. She was a social butterfly and seemed to know everyone. She could always come up with a party to go to on any night of the week. She knew some people in the fraternity scene, and of course, Rosie was in a sorority, but since those were more tightly watched and regulated, we usually ended up at house parties being hosted by friends of friends.

I didn't really drink all that much in high school, but it was partly because I was afraid of doing something stupid, like revealing too much about my sexuality around people I didn't want to know. I also got a little touchy feely when I was drinking, and I didn't want to slip and turn a friendly hug into a more-than-friendly grope. But, I was less concerned with it here. It was a big enough place, even if I did something stupid, it was likely I wouldn't see most of these people ever again. Not to mention, it was likely no one would remember anyway.

It was getting close to Thanksgiving break and the end of the semester, so Alice and I wanted to let out a little steam before we had to get serious and study for finals. Well, before Alice would get serious. I was kind of counting on just sliding by. Anyway, we were at some house party, being hosted by a guy in one of Alice's business classes who was trying to put the moves on her. My role at parties like this was to pretend to be with Alice until she scoped everything out. If she saw someone she was interested in, I became Alice's somewhat over-protective brotherly figure she found a way to ditch. If she decided she definitely wasn't interested, then I became her prudish boyfriend.

This night, I was the over-protective brother. She disappeared almost immediately after we arrived. So, I made nice with the keg after handing a couple bucks over to one of the party's hosts for a cup. When he handed me the red plastic cup, our eyes met for a little too long, and I realized he was checking me out.

He wasn't bad looking, with soft, brown hair that was shaggy, curling around his ears, and deep brown eyes. He was wearing tight jeans and a v-neck sweater that was way more snug than a straight man would ever wear. Neither were designer, but he looked very put together. I winked at him and then chugged my beer, quickly imploring him for a refill.

I downed that one pretty fast, too.

"Want something a bit stiffer?" the brunet said coyly, after he handed someone else a cup full of cheap lager.

"Maybe. What do you got?"

"You like whiskey?"

"Depends on who's pouring."

He didn't say anything in response, but he walked slowly across the kitchen to the pantry. He reached in the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. When he reached for it, his sweater raised up a little, revealing a sliver of smooth, tanned skin. I was almost 99% certain he did it intentionally. On his way back toward me, he stopped at another cabinet, opening it to pull out two shot glasses and pushing his ass out unnecessarily as he leaned forward.

He brought them back to the counter I was leaning against and poured them both, gesturing at me to pick one up. I did. He picked up the other and then brought to lightly touch mine in a toast.

"To new friends," he said with a knowing smile.

"To new friends," I responded. I didn't even know this guy's name.

I tossed back the amber liquid and set my shot glass down in front of him. He quirked an eyebrow at me, and I nodded. A little voice in the back of my mind told me that if I wanted to remember the events of this evening, I should slow it down a little, but that voice sounded a little too much like my father for comfort.

A couple shots later and things were starting to get a little fuzzy. It was nice.

The still unnamed brunet had been inching closer and closer to me as the evening progressed.. It turned out that he grew up in Oklahoma, and we were talking about how obnoxious Longhorns fans were, when he put his hand on my forearm. I stared at it for a second, until his eyes found mine. I think they were asking for permission. I didn't respond, but whatever he saw in my eyes was enough.

"Wait right here, Tex," he said softly.

He left the kitchen quickly and came back dragging some pudgy blond guy behind him.

He started giving orders to the blond, "Watch the keg. If someone wants a cup, take their money. Hand them a cup."

The obviously inebriated blond blinked and nodded.

They chatted for a minute before Mr. Oklahoma turned his attention back to me. He cocked his chin toward the entrance to the kitchen. I took this as a signal to head toward it. I felt him close behind me as I left the room.

"Upstairs," he whispered behind me, gently guiding me to the staircase.

I didn't see any reason to argue, so I headed up the stairs. My balance was a little shaky, so I gripped the railing tightly the higher I climbed. It seemed to take forever to reach the top, but once I was there, I had an internal celebration for the completion of my quest. Apparently, Oklahoma wanted to celebrate, too, because the next thing I knew, I was being pressed up against a wall and his lips were on mine.

I was really too slow-wittedly drunk to seriously object, so I tried to just go with the flow.

Unfortunately, I started to lose those pleasant drunken feelings when his tongue started to probe my mouth like a sloppy machine gun. I was about to shove him off me, but then he turned his attention to rubbing my cock through my jeans, and I got distracted by the sensation in my groin. I tried to turn my head in hopes of getting the jack-hammering tongue to stop its attack when I thought I saw a shock of bronze hair out of the corner of my eye. Unfortunately, once I got the Okie to take his tongue of my mouth, I could only see a figure walking down the stairs. The build was just about right for Edward.

There was no way that he was at this party, though. Was there?

It was at that moment that a pair of wet lips pressed against my neck and a warm hand closed around my cock, rendering my distracted thoughts officially done. I had no recollection of him even unbuttoning my jeans. Even with the whiskey coursing through me, he got me off against the wall of that house party pretty quickly. I was too drunk to care if anyone else walked passed us. I vaguely remember spinning him around and returning the favor before Alice somehow retrieved me.

I'm not really even sure how I made it home, but the next morning I woke up with the world's worst headache, fully dressed on the futon in my dorm room. It was preferable to waking up in some strange guy's bed... or covered in my own vomit. I did, however, feel like I had been hit with a train.

Alice came to check on me later that day. Apparently, she was nursing a pretty bad hangover, too. So, we walked to McDonald's and gorged on french fries as if that would ease the pain; actually, I think it did help a little. Alice filled me in about our walk back to campus the night before, which supposedly involved me whipping it out and pissing behind the landscaping in front of her dormitory, in front of a few giggling onlookers, no less. We agreed to not seriously party again until finals were over.

I mostly stuck to that promise.

There might have been an indiscretion or two.

It turns out I needed it.

Winter break was one of the worst I had ever had. I had been looking forward to having almost a full month off of school instead of the paltry two weeks we got in high school, but when I realized that meant spending a whole month with my family, it became a lot less appealing. Rosalie and I spent the whole break in Texas, my parents joined us for most of it, since my dad was mostly retired and my mom could work remotely.

Everyone in my family seemed really anxious to find out how I was liking college. I gave vague answers and tried to sound happy, because I didn't want to sound ungrateful. Not to mention, most of my family never went to college, and I felt like I had to defend my decision to not go into the military. It wouldn't do if they discovered my lukewarm feelings toward college. I also lied about my grades. I had a privacy hold put on my account so my parents wouldn't see them. When they asked, I said I was doing fine. When they pushed, I just made up some Bs and Cs to appease them. Even that earned a lecture from dad about not living up to my potential and coddling from mom about adjusting to college. She told me that I could call home any time I needed, as if that would help.

The truth was that my grade point average was horrible, and I was very likely going to be put on academic probation. I only had one F, but my two Ds and two Cs weren't exactly stellar.

I'm pretty sure that Granny knew I was lying when she overheard me telling my parents my fake grades, but she didn't say anything directly about it to me. In fact, I'm pretty sure she could see right through all of my lies.

I always felt more at home in Texas than I did in Washington, and I was grateful that Uncle Charles let me come over to his ranch to help out. He had recently decided to start raising alpacas and needed help with some fencing. It was nice to get up in the morning and do physical labor. I could never do it for a living, but for the time being, it kept my mind off of things. Not to mention, I felt like I was actually accomplishing something.

Other than being able to work outside, Granny was really the only bright spot over break. One day after Christmas, the two us of sneaked away from the rest of the family, and she took me to the mall. I knew she was trying to corner me so that we could talk, but I didn't mind. Granny was the only person who would actually listen to me without telling me that how I was feeling or what I was doing was wrong.

"Having a hard time making the transition?" She asked me as we sat down for lunch at a small deli near the mall.

"College just isn't what I thought it would be." I could always be honest with Granny.

"Like what?"

That was all it took. It all started spilling out in waves. I told her about hating my classes and about feeling like I was wasting my time, because I didn't know what the hell I was doing there. I told her about having a hard time being comfortable with being out. Even though I had told a few people, I still didn't know what the right protocol was, if being gay meant that I had to be political about it. I didn't get into details about the parties I went to, but I told her I went out more than I really wanted to. I just didn't know what else to do.

She sat and listened to me ramble. The ability to listen clearly skipped a generation. At one point, she reached across the table and grabbed my hand, but she didn't speak until I finished.

"It's a new situation for you, little soldier. Don't try to rush into everything or expect too much. It's going to take a little while to get used to being away from home. You've always put too much pressure on yourself - your father's influence, no doubt."

"I know," I sighed.

"Have you met anyone special?" The thing I loved about Granny was that she didn't beat around the bush.

"Not anyone new."

"Ah," Granny eyed me knowingly. "Still hung up on the boy from this summer?"

"Maybe."

"Well, what's this boy's deal anyway? Is he shy? Not ready for a relationship?"

I hesitated.

"Does he think he's too good for my grandson?"

"No, no. That's not it at all. He's perfect. I just... what if I screw it up?" My voice grew hoarse.

"Oh, Jasper." She got up from the table, walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. I'm sure it looked ridiculous for a grown man to be getting a hug from his grandmother in public, but I didn't care.

"I'm only going to say this once." Granny was back to being matter of fact. "You can't know if you don't try."

"Thanks, Granny." It was all I could really say.

When we got back to school the next semester, I tried to make a fresh start, but... I couldn't. Alice had been a little preoccupied with something when we got back and spent the first weekend back in Forks. I assumed that it had something to do with a new boy toy, but if it was, she refused to reveal his identity to me.

Eventually, I cornered her and made her check out after Christmas sales with me, not that she was reluctant. Granny had given me some money before I left, and she insisted I spend it on new clothes. Alice was more than willing to help me spend it.

"So, I haven't really talked to you since we got back. How was your break, Ali?" We were perusing sale racks in Macy's as I not-so-slyly tried to pump her for information about her mysterious behavior.

"It was great in some regards, terrible in others," was her cryptic response.

I pulled a deep blue, striped button-down from the rack and held it up to my chest. She shook her head at me.

"Tell me the terrible part first," I prodded.

"Well, in a word – Edward."

"What happened to Edward?" I couldn't keep the concern out of my voice.

"Nothing. He just moped around all break. It was awful."

"Moped? About what?"

"That's not really my place to tell you, now, is it?" I knew I wouldn't get anything else out of her on the subject of her twin at the moment, so I tried a different technique.

"So, the great part?"

"Oh," her eyes sparkled at me. "You know, family, friends, food, caroling, presents, trees, pretty wrapping paper and bows... a cute boy..."

"A cute boy, you say?"

Alice's face lit up.

"But, don't even think about it, Jasper Hale. I promised him I wouldn't say anything."

"You know I'll find out."

"I know," she replied in a sing-sing voice.

It took a couple weeks of prodding and trying to pull hints from her, plus another shopping excursion, but I finally got her to confess one of her secrets to me. She was still tight-lipped about the mystery boy's identity, but she finally admitted that Edward was so mopey because he missed me.

"Why?" was my immediate response.

"What?"

"Why on Earth would Edward Cullen miss me? I'm ordinary. I'm not the smartest, the funniest, or the best looking. He could have anyone!"

"You don't see yourself clearly, Jazz," Alice said quietly. When she was quiet like that, I knew she meant business. "You might not be perfect, but neither is Edward. Trust me, I know him better than anyone. But, he wants you."

"He's gorgeous. He could have any guy in Seattle! Hell, he could go home with any gay man in the state!"

"I think he wants you for a whole lot more than that."

"I just don't see it." I said, shaking my head. "I know he was attracted to me to some extent, but you really think he wants more? From me?"

"You're obviously compatible. You like a lot of the same things. You have the same sense of humor. You're ridiculously adorable together." She put her hands on her hips and sighed. "I don't need to tell you any of this, you're just scared."

I was about to deny it, but something about the look on Alice's face made me stop. So, I owned up to it.

"Why wouldn't I be scared?" My voice was soft.

"Because, Edward just wants to love you. He doesn't want you to be anybody but yourself."

She kept going, but I tuned her out a little in disbelief. Then, she said something that brought my focus back.

"... and the way you've been avoiding him has really hurt him."

"I haven't been avoiding him!" I immediately got defensive.

She raised an eyebrow at me but didn't say anything. She and I both knew I was lying. There was really no need to bring attention to it. Luckily, she got distracted by a shoe sale and the topic of conversation didn't return to Edward.

I, however, was preoccupied for the rest of the day, turning Alice's words around slowly in my head. She wouldn't lie to me, not about something like this. He wanted me in his life? For more than just a physical relationship? He wanted to love me?

Edward Cullen wanted to be in a relationship with me.

Was I ready for that?

This was definitely something I was going to have to think about.

* * *

**A/N:** *Shameless plug alert*: I posted an E/J one-shot entitled "Cigarettes and Fingertips" last week that I think turned out rather well. Link on my profile. Also, I was stunned yesterday to find out I was nominated for two Slash Awards! Permanent was nominated for Best Wolf and Seven Minutes in Heaven was nominated for Best Comedy. Check out the other nominees! http://theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com Voting ends March 21. Finally, I am working on Chapter 16 of Seven Minutes in Heaven, but it is slow going. I am really grateful for your patience.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I also don't own a waffle iron, which is completely irrelevant.

**A/N:** This chapter is a little jumpy. It's supposed to be, as Jasper is inebriated for most of it. This includes some slight overlap with Chapter 3 of _Seven Minutes in Heaven_. This won't usually happen, but the event is important enough that I had to include some overlapping dialogue. However, you don't need to have read SMIH in order to read this. It is truly Jasper's story, and I want it to be his own as much as possible.

That said, thank you to all of you who have shown SMIH so much love this week! I'm absolutely _overwhelmed_ with the response. I hope you enjoy Jasper's side of the story just as much.

* * *

I was drunk.

Sloppy drunk.

I didn't even remember how I managed to get into this party in the first place. I knew that Alice was around somewhere, but I had no idea where she had run off to.

I just didn't want to be sober anymore. This semester was kicking my ass, and life just seemed easier through the messy fog. Midterms were coming up, and I was way behind. I just got a C on my first psychology paper.

Psychology, yeah, that's what I was doing here. My psychology T.A., Laurent, had asked me to come to this party, which, I'm pretty sure violated some ethical code of conduct on the University's books. Through some stupid project we had to do for class, he found out I was gay. He wasn't gay, but he told me that I seemed like the type of guy his roommate always went for, whatever that meant.

Alice was more than happy to come with me. Something happened with the boy she had hooked up with over Christmas, and she had been spending the past few weekends trying to get him out of her system. Her words. I asked no follow up questions.

She'd tell me eventually anyway.

When we got to the party, Laurent introduced me to his roommate – James. He wasn't a bad looking guy. He had brownish hair, was a few inches shorter than me, but he definitely worked out. He was wearing torn jeans, designer, and a plaid button down that was casually unbuttoned further down than a straight man would ever dare go.

I had seen him around on campus a few times when he was with Laurent, but I really had never given him much of a second look. Tonight, however, I was looking for a distraction from everything, so I humored him.

"You know, I've seen you around, Jasper," he said. "But, you always seemed kind of shy."

I shrugged, "I've always been a fan of the speak softly and carry a big stick philosophy."

"And do you?" James had taken a step closer to me, closer than one would to an acquaintance, or even a friend.

"Do I what?" I asked, though I knew what he was not-so-subtly driving at.

"Carry a big stick?"

"You'll just have to find out," the words were out of my mouth before I could take them back. I wasn't really interested in this guy at all.

Was I?

I couldn't seem to stop myself from flirting, so maybe that meant something. But, had he not been showing me attention first, I knew I definitely wouldn't go for him.

He smirked at me and went to get another beer. A few more people came into the room, and the idle chatter increased. I contented myself just to take in the scene and not say anything stupid. My mouth seemed to be completely disconnected from my brain. After awhile, James came back up to me and told me to make myself comfortable, but that he had a few things to take care of before he could take the time get to know me better.

I wasn't sure exactly what he was driving at, but I had a pretty good idea. Regardless, there was beer and decent music, so I figured I could hang out for awhile.

So, here I was, sitting on a dingy sectional in this messy as shit apartment, making small talk with some guy who called himself Beans, who apparently lived next door, or upstairs, or something. I really didn't care. On the bright side, I was pleasantly intoxicated. Once the cheap beer got old, Laurent luckily came over and told me that James insisted I be granted free reign on the liquor cabinet, as an apology for having to keep me waiting.

So, I indulged in a little whiskey.

This guy – Beans – was telling me about an ex-girlfriend from back home. It was obvious that she had been his _only_ girlfriend, and the only reason he was still hung up on her was because he had yet to find anyone else who was willing to touch his penis. I almost offered to blow him if it would get him to shut up, but, well, he just needed someone to talk to, so I pretended to pay attention. No one else at the party seemed all that interesting anyway.

However, I was damn near passing out on the couch when suddenly there was something, er, someone dragging his fingers across my chest..

James.

Right.

"Come to my room," he whispered in my ear.

I swallowed. "Okay."

I was halfway down the hall, following the guy, before it even registered what I was doing. I idly wondered if I had just left that lonely dude sitting on the couch without a word.

What was I doing?

It was like watching myself from outside my body. I knew that I was going into some guy's room that I didn't really know, that I didn't really like, who was only physically attracted to me, and that it was really, really stupid.

But, then, he turned around and eyed me up and down like I was trophy, and I felt wanted.

Attractive.

Apparently that's all it took.

He pulled me into the bedroom. Once the door was closed, he pressed me forcefully against the door. His lips were on mine – they were hot, salty and tasted like tequila. His tongue was insistent, and my brain couldn't keep up with his movements.

Suddenly, I was being pressed into a mattress, and a hand that wasn't mine was grabbing my cock through my jeans.

An unfamiliar voice came through my stupor, "We need to get these off of you."

I sat up, and he helped me pull off my long-sleeved tee.

Sloppy lips were being pressed against my chest as I fell back down onto the bed. Something felt off about the lips, they were hurried, not at all the way I remembered being kissed there before, but my pants were also being unbuckled, effectively distracting me. I raised my hips a little so that my boxer-briefs could be pushed down, freeing me.

"Big stick indeed," James murmured. He looked up at me greedily. I realized why the lips didn't feel the way I remembered them – they belonged to the wrong man.

It was a fleeting thought, though, because when he leaned forward to kiss me, he was once again really forceful. He grabbed my wrists with his hands and pinned them above my head. He straddled me, pushing his weight down on me as his tongue probed my mouth.

I suddenly felt trapped, smothered, and I didn't like it.

I squirmed underneath him until he finally loosened his grip on my wrists.

He pulled back slightly and looked down at me. The expression on his face was one of pure annoyance. Actually, he looked about trigger's breath away from being down right angry, so I said the first thing I could think of that might appease him.

"I've never..." I started. I was torn between wanting to let him know I was a virgin and wanting to at least pretend that I had some clue as to what I was doing. But then, maybe that wasn't what he was pissed about.

His face softened slightly at my words, "I know, it's okay, sweetheart."

Sweetheart?

"You know?" My voice squeaked in a decidedly unmasculine way. Did I just scream virgin?

"I can tell," he said with a condescending smile. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle with that sweet virgin hole of yours."

'Predatory' was the only word that could describe his gaze, but I was frozen in a hazy, apathetic acceptance. He unbuckled his belt and shoved his jeans down. I took a look at him, but he moved too quickly for me to get more than a glance. I only managed to determine that what he was packing wasn't particularly impressive. Then, he was on top of me again, and I felt it rubbing against me.

It was only at that moment I realized that _I _wasn't hard.

At all.

This wasn't how I imagined this happening.

Of course, I thought about sex all the time, I was a nineteen year old guy. But, other than some celebrity-filled wank fantasies, it was always Edward who starred in my desirous thoughts.

Edward fucking Cullen.

With his bronze hair and his smirk and the way the muscles rippled in his back. I imagined him on his hands and knees, giving himself to me freely. I imagined bending over his body while I entered him. Sometimes, I even imagined him doing the same for me, only he would insist that I face him so he could kiss me into oblivion with his soft, full lips.

Edward Cullen, who, his twin sister insisted, wanted to be with me.

Would he want me if he knew I had lost my virginity to some guy named James when I was drunk off my ass? Would he ever put himself in a situation like this? Would he ever be so pathetic to let some random guy fuck him at a party? Was that what I was about to do?

That _was_ what I was about to do.

I sat up abruptly.

I nearly knocked James off the bed, and the expression on his face would have been comical had I not just been nearly date raped by the jackass.

"Sorry, I can't do this," I stood up before he had a chance to try anything.

"What do you mean you can't do this," he sneered. Any attractiveness that I had found in his face before immediately vanished.

"That's what I said!" I shouted at him. I hoped that someone could hear me. "You're not going to fucking touch me."

I grabbed my shirt and bolted for the door, buttoning up my jeans along the way. He made a move to stop me, but we were similar in size, and I had adrenaline on my side.

I wanted to hit him square in his incredulous face, get him on the ground and beat the shit out of him, but the need to just get the fuck out of there was more pressing. Laurent saw me come running out of the hallway, and his face drained. I had no doubt that he didn't realize just what a creep his roommate was.

I grabbed an open bottle of whiskey from the kitchen on my way out without a second thought. Somehow, I found my coat from the closet by the door. I hoped Alice was okay, but I couldn't stay in this place for a second longer.

I burst out of the front door and gulped the cold, dry air like it would disappear into a vacuum at any moment.

I jogged away from the apartment building and back toward campus. I slowed down once I hit the familiar buildings of campus. It was chilly outside, but I barely felt it. I had a liquid blanket in my hand. Luckily, for the sake of my well-being, the bottle was only a quarter full. I took a huge swing, then plopped down on a bench and tried to catch my breath.

What was I doing?

I couldn't even really remember the last time I actually had fun at one of these parties. It was just something to do. I had a lot more fun with Paul and Jared when we would smuggle beer into the dorm.

My phone ringing broke me out of my brooding.

"Hey, Alice," I answered grimly.

"Are you okay, sugar?"

"I had to get out of there, Alice," my voice was strained. "I'm sorry to ditch you. I just, had to."

"I know, Jazz. It's okay. I ran into my friend Molly; we're going to go on a Taco Bell run. We can meet up with you?"

"Thanks, Ali, but I think I need to be alone."

"Jasper."

She didn't continue.

"Alice?"

"You don't have to be alone. You really don't."

My reply hitched in my throat. I knew exactly what she meant.

"Okay," I whispered. "I'll call you tomorrow."

I took another long pull from the bottle, savored the initial sweet and slightly smoky taste that rolled off my tongue, then enjoyed the slow burn of whiskey down my throat.

I slumped down on the bench, leaning forward. Damn, I was starting to get the spins. I raised my head up slowly, when a green, glowing light caught my eye. I looked up, and my eyes focused on a window in one of the campus buildings. It was most likely a professor's office, or a lab or something, but even though the blinds were pulled down, the light was still shining through it. I didn't know if it was a lamp, a bulb, or hell, some sort of radioactive ooze. It didn't matter.

It was so _green_.

And, I knew that shade of green. Sparkling, bright grass green, that in the right light had a tinge of blue. I remembered him sprawled out on his bed last summer. Lying tangled in his arms, just waking up, still sticky from the chocolate syrup we had licked off each other's bodies the night before. It was just after dawn and his head was turned so he was looking out the window. The rising sunlight was bright, and it caught his eyes just right, making them sparkle like something unearthly.

I remembered the way those eyes would pierced into mine. The expression in them was always unmistakable. He had seemed so mysterious in high school, but the longer I spent time with him, the more I realized that he wore his feelings on his sleeve. He never spoke about how he was feeling. He kept that bottled inside, but his body language and his eyes were unmistakable. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how well I knew how to read him. Not once did he ever look at me the way James did. I wasn't a conquest. I wasn't just an experiment. I wasn't just someone to fool around with.

Alice was right all along. By now, I should know not to bet against her.

Edward loved me.

He never once made me feel like I wasn't as good as him. He never made me feel stupid or weak. He never made me think of myself as anything other than his equal. He was always asking me questions about myself and really listened to the answers. He even seemed impressed with all the useless trivia I knew about baseball, and Civil War battles from watching too much History Channel. When we fooled around, he almost seemed more triumphant in getting me off than in satisfying himself.

He really loved me.

What was I so afraid of?

Was it because I knew I wasn't good enough for him?

I grimaced and took the last swig of whiskey.

I had an epiphany, then.

He made me want to be better.

I wanted to conquer that fear and be a man he could be proud of. I wanted him that much. I loved him that much.

I needed to tell him. I _had_ to tell him. It was vital to my existence and my sanity that I at least tell him how I felt. If he wanted to reject me, then it was up to him.

I stood and wobbled, tossing the empty bottle aside, not caring where it landed.

The walk to the dorms took me a lot longer than it would have under other circumstances. But, I was determined; it was now my mission to get to Edward tonight. I tried to force myself to sober up as best I could, but that probably would have taken a miracle. Eventually, somehow, I made it to Ed's dorm. I hung around outside until one of his dorm mates, who was also stumbling home, opened the door for me.

Once inside, the next hurdle was trying to remember where Edward's room was. I had only been there once or twice before, with Alice, and since she knew where it was, I never paid that much attention. I was pretty sure it was on the second floor, so that's where I started. Luckily, R.A.s seemed to be universally obsessed – or ordered – to do stupid getting to know you exercises during Freshman orientation that involved making name tags. And, Edward was definitely the type of guy to keep his taped to his door the whole year.

I walked slowly down the corridor, keeping my right hand on the wall for balance, looking at doors on both sides of the hall. It seemed like I walked by at least four Johns, three Andrews and two Robs, but no Edwards. When I reached the end of the hallway, I was frustrated and let a loud "dammit" slip out.

When the door I was standing next to swung open, I nearly fell over from surprise.

Out stepped a disheveled guy in gray sweatpants and a UW t-shirt. I looked at the sign on_ his_ door and squinted. Shit. He was an R.A.

"Is there a problem?" he asked.

"Uh..." I hesitated. Of all the times for my brain not to cooperate.

"Look, I'd like to get back to sleep. So, give me one good reason why I shouldn't write you up?"

I stared at him for a long second, and then tried the only thing I could think of – brutal honesty.

"Well," I said with a grin. "For one, I don't even live in this dorm. For another, I'm sure the threat of getting written up might sound scary to a computer nerd who never even went away to sleep-away camp, but I'm pretty close to flunking out of this fine institution, and my dad's a retired Colonel from the U.S. Army. No offense, but you're just not that intimidating. Not to mention, if I do flunk out, I'll probably be on the next bus to boot camp, which is just about the last place I want to be, mostly because of the whole 'don't ask, don't tell' policy that someone thought was a good idea back in the 90s. That's right, I'm queer. Which leads me to the real reason why you shouldn't write me up. The real reason is that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm kind of in love with one the guys who lives here in this dorm. Even though I blew him off before, I need to tell him how I feel before I lose my nerve and wind up letting some drunk grad student with an overbite fuck me at a party."

The resident adviser's mouth had dropped open somewhere around the words 'boot camp,' and he hadn't been able to close it.

"So, I'm looking for Edward Cullen, and it would really be swell of you if you could tell me which room he's in."

He sputtered at me for a second as if trying to remember how to speak.

"316," he finally managed to squeak out. "Edward is in Room 316."

"Right! I knew he was on the third floor," I groaned with a smack to my forehead. I headed toward the stairwell, turning back to shout a "thanks" at the still agape R.A.

Sure enough, there was a construction paper sign taped to the door to Room 316 with a picture of Mr. T glued to it alongside Edward's name.

I knocked on his door.

I held my breath until it swung open.

He was disheveled, probably from sleeping. He was wearing plaid sleep pants and his hair was in complete disarray from its usual impressive structure. His eyes were sleepy and his lips were dry, and he looked absolutely ravishing.

When I saw him, I knew, even in my stupor, that I was home.

I threw my arms around him.

"Needed to see you," I murmured as he struggled against my weight. I knew I should let him go, that what I was doing was ridiculous, and that I may regret it in the morning, if he didn't throw me out first. "You have to know. You need to know," I muttered, but I don't think he heard me.

I vaguely remember him helping me undress and tucking me into his bed.

And me lifting up the covers for him.

I was completely and utterly disoriented when I regained consciousness later that morning. It took me a good long while before I realized I was not only still a virgin and not lying in some strange man's bed, but I was actually lying tucked up next to a very warm, very sexy Edward Cullen.

Huh?

As if Edward read my mind, he got up, giving me room. Then, a bottle of water appeared seemingly out of nowhere. I guzzled it without thinking, but as soon as that water started going down my throat, my stomach revolted.

I bolted.

Luckily our dorms were set up the same way, so I knew exactly where to find the bathroom. I had barely barged into the stall, before the contents of my evening came tumbling out of my mouth. I flushed the toilet and slumped against it, knowing that the worst wasn't over. It was only then that I realized I was clinging to a toilet in a boy's dormitory wearing nothing but my red boxer-briefs.

Oh well, there was nothing I could do about it now.

I heard the door swing open as the second round of vomiting began.

Edward's feet appeared next to the stall. I would recognize those feet anywhere. His second toe was longer than his big toe on both feet. Morton's toe, I once heard it called. He had a few brownish hairs curling out of the top of his big toe. His feet were calloused from running, but damn if I didn't want to put those toes in my mouth and suck on them.

My stomach churned.

Later, I told myself. Toe-sucking can come later.

He passed me a bottle of water under the stall door and told me he was leaving something on the counter for me. I really hoped it was mouthwash or a spare toothbrush, or something, because I refused to leave his room until I told him how I felt, and I really didn't want to do it with vomit-breath.

After I was pretty sure there was nothing left in my stomach to lose, I tried to clean myself up as much as possible. Edward had not only left me mouthwash, but he had also brought me aspirin, which until that moment, I hadn't realized I was in desperate need of.

I walked back to his room slowly, taking deep breaths while trying to get my confidence up. I tried to organize in my mind everything I wanted to tell him, but it was only making me more nervous.

Before I knew it, I was stepping back across the threshold of his room.

"Feeling better?" he asked when I entered.

"Much," I replied, trying to read his expression.

He looked at me for a second, and I could see him battling about what to say. Finally, his question burst out, wanting to know if I had meant what I said the night before.

I combed through my disjointed memories of the night before.

Shit. I could have told him anything last night, desperate to see him as I was.

I bit the bullet and asked, "What did I say?"

"You said you needed to see me, that you wanted to be sure."

I sighed in relief while plopping down on the futon.

I knew I owed him an explanation, I just had to trust I was ready to give it to him.

"I- I didn't- well, I still don't- I never. Shit." I sputtered. This wasn't going well. "Let me start over."

Edward had joined me on the futon and was inching a little closer to me. He looked into my eyes, as if trying to read my soul, before nodding.

"I've never really believed that I was worthy of you," I spit out in a rush.

Genuine shock appeared on Edward's face. I had seen Edward flustered, sure, but never before had I seen the boy look so genuinely confused. I was expecting agreement on his part, because I wasn't even remotely close to being worthy of his attention or affection. But, this, this was unexpected. More and more, I was beginning to see that Alice was right. So, I continued.

I told Edward about how much trouble I was having adjusting to college. About how I admired his self-discipline, his ability to focus on his school work, his ability to make new friends. I tried to explain to him how my life was growing up. Living with a man who took schedules and organization and discipline so seriously left me with a childhood that was completely structured. Until coming to college, I hadn't realized how dependent I was on that rigor. He had wake up calls and lights out as if he were checking the barracks. Coming to college really threw me off. For years, I wanted to be free of my father, but after I came out, I felt like I had already disappointed him so much, that I needed to do everything else he asked of me.

It sounded sort of pathetic as it came out of my mouth, but I needed to tell him everything.

"I guess I sort of lost it when I got here. I thought I didn't know who I was, and I just didn't feel like I deserved you. I didn't want you to see me this messed up. So, I rebelled. I drank too much, your sister was no help in that department, by the way, and I let a couple boys kiss me, put their hands down my pants to get me off. Well, and vice versa. I'm a cliché. I'm the kid who starts going apeshit because he's away from home for the first time."

I laughed bitterly.

"I didn't realize that I was hurting you until Alice let it slip. You just always seem so together. I couldn't imagine that I, in my pathetic state, could cause a chink in your armor."

I barely got the last words out without my voice breaking into a sob. I had to tell him what had happened, or almost happened, at the party the night before. I took another deep breath and continued.

"Knowing that, well, it made me feel even worse. So, for the past couple weeks, I've just been drinking more and more. And then... something... happened last night."

His hand darted out and grabbed mine, squeezing it, reassuring me that I could continue.

God, I really didn't deserve him.

So, I told him everything I could remember. I told him about James, and as I began explaining what happened, I realized more and more that what happened really was almost date rape. Even though I had kind of agreed to go to back to James' bedroom, well, wordlessly followed, I had been shitfaced, and I definitely wasn't in control of my actions. Two things were abundantly clear to me. One, I needed to cut back on my drinking; and two, I never wanted to have sex while myself or my partner was under the influence of anything. What kind of person was James who would willingly fuck someone who was clearly borderline coherent? I was exactly the girl in the afterschool special reruns we had to watch in health class in high school.

I had to choke back another sob.

Why didn't I fight back immediately? How could I lose myself like that?

I looked back at Edward, and his face was a mixture of sympathy and horror.

"You didn't..." he began to ask.

"No. I stopped him," I said immediately. As I looked into his startling green eyes, I knew I was looking into a beacon. Deep in my gut, I knew that Edward's role in saving me from myself last night wasn't just a passing fancy. "I... I thought about you, Ed, and how sure of yourself you are and how you would never let yourself be a victim like that. And, it just reminded me of who I am, and I realized that I had the strength to walk away from him. So, that's just what I did. I guess it never really sunk in before that I am the only one who can decide what I want and don't want. And I... well, I wanted to share my first time with you. You've probably already... but even if you have... I still want mine to be with you."

I knew I was blushing. For the first time in my life, I was glad that I was a virgin, and I was almost proud to admit that to the man in front of me. My stomach began to turn again, though, at the thought of him with someone else, especially knowing that had I not been such a jackass, I could have had that experience with him.

That's why I was shocked by his own admission.

"No," he began, and I felt my heart drop. He saw my expression and continued hurriedly, "No, as in I haven't already, you know, had sex. I haven't really done much of anything since last summer. I- I just never found anyone I was as interested in as I was in you. Even when I finally convinced myself that you didn't want me-"

I opened my lips immediately to apologize, but his finger quickly pressed against my lips to stop me. He shook his head quietly and whispered,

"No apologizes, Jasper. It's not your fault you weren't ready for anything more serious."

I pressed my lips back against his finger with a soft kiss before he continued.

"I tried to date, after winter break. I sort of went out with this guy one of my QSA friends set me up with. Everything was fine until was got back to his place. We started making out, but then he unbuttoned my pants, and it just didn't felt so wrong – I left."

I knew I had absolutely no right to feel jealous, but I really didn't like the idea of anyone else touching Edward. Before I could conjure unwanted images of another set of hands touching him, he continued.

"That night," his voice was even softer now. "That night, I had a panic attack in the shower. I- I thought that I was going to die. I don't think it was because of what happened, but I- I kind of associated the two and I decided that I didn't need to add dating to my growing list of shit to worry about. Plus, I guess, I was still kind of hoping..."

He trailed off and looked into my eyes again, but his meaning wasn't lost on me. I couldn't believe it. He still wanted me. But, as grateful as I was that Edward hadn't been off having mindless sex, I felt awful that he was having panic attacks. I knew I needed to keep going with my story. I knew I needed to tell him how I felt. Somehow, I knew that he needed to know it, just as much as I needed to say it.

So, the rest came spilling out.

I told him about the green light and the epiphany I had, and I tried to express just how much I needed him. But, I was concentrating so hard on getting the words out, I wasn't exactly sure what I was saying. I was trying to tell him how much I admired him and wanted him. About how he was the rock I needed in my life to ground me, but I was simultaneously trying to pay attention to Edward's reaction. He was silent, and his eyes were boring into me.

"What were you afraid to say to me last night?" He finally asked.

My heart sunk, in my drunken ramblings did I let my feelings slip? He would never have believed me if I had told him then. So, I met his eyes and gathered all the confidence I could muster.

"I'm not _afraid_ to tell you. I just didn't want to do it while being sloppy and stumbling drunk."

"Tell me what?"

"That I love you."

His whole body went rigid and his eyes were wide as saucers. Disbelief was scrawled across his face. My heart started beating again, once I realized that it wasn't rejection. I grabbed his hand in both of mine and met his eyes, imploring him silently to hear the truth in my words, and then it happened:

"I love you, too."

I wrapped arms around him then, and I buried my face in his neck, drinking in his delicious scent. I was squeezing him so tightly, I was almost afraid of hurting him. But, his own arms were gripping me just as tightly.

After a minute, I mumbled into his neck.

"Edward, there's one more thing."

He pulled back a little, and a hint of the despair from before crossed his expression, "What is it, Jasper?"

I looked at him sheepishly.

"Um, I may have outed you to the R.A. on the second floor last night."

He tossed his head back and laughed, and then his sweet grip around my body returned.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I just want Edward and Jasper to bump uglies.

**A/N:** Most of the chapters won't align so much with SMIH (or be so sappy), but I thought the boys' first time together was important, so there will again be some overlapping dialog here. But, there's a lot of new stuff, too. :)

* * *

I had a boyfriend.

Edward Cullen was my boyfriend.

At least, I was pretty sure he was my boyfriend. I mean, I didn't just go around telling random guys that I was in love with them, and I was pretty sure Edward didn't either. We were even going on a date sometime next week. Edward had some huge group project due this upcoming week and was going home for the weekend, but I was already looking forward to spending more time with him. Even though Edward had said he wasn't really thinking about dating, I figured I must have been an exception to that.

But, maybe he didn't want anything serious. I just sort of assumed we would be exclusive. Would it be wrong to ask that after one date?

How was I supposed to do that? Get down on one knee and ask, "Edward Cullen, will you be my boyfriend?"

I was starting to think myself out of my good mood, so I put it out of my mind as I walked back to my dorm from Edward's room.

"Hey Felix!" I gave him a friendly clap on the back as I entered our room.

He turned to look at me like I was an alien who just asked if I could impregnate him.

"Hi... Jasper..." he said slowly, before turning back to his computer screen.

I shrugged and decided it was high time I took a shower. I couldn't even imagine how I smelled after the excessive drinking, the creepy James incident, the walking around campus, and the puking. Edward had to be hard of smelling, or something.

My body was sore and I still had a dull throb in the back of my head, but the hot water rushing over me seemed to wash a lot of that away. I felt human again as I turned off the shower. I was humming to myself as I padded back to my room and got dressed. As I was trying to get the tangles out of my hair, which was getting way too long, Felix stood up and put on his coat.

"Heading out?" I asked him.

He continued to look at me as if I were a pod person, but he answered, "Yeah, I'm going to my girlfriend's place..."

"Tell her I said hello!" I said. I had met Felix's girlfriend a few times; we definitely weren't friendly enough that Felix would pass along the message, but I was in too damn good of a mood.

Felix just rolled his eyes at me and said, "Whatever, Jasper."

After Felix left, I decided to drop in on Paul and Jared. They would be happy for me. I think I nearly skipped the few feet down the hallway. Their door was ajar when I barged in.

"Hey!"

They both turned to look at me. Jared looked me up and down from his spot on the futon. Paul got up from his desk chair and walked around me slowly as if I were a horse he was thinking of buying.

"What the fuck are you doing, dude?" I asked.

"Who are you and what have you done with Jasper Hale?"

"What?"

"You- you're..." Jared started.

"Happy," Paul finished.

"Have I been that bad?"

"No," Paul said, just as Jared said, "Yes."

"I really didn't know I had gotten that bad," I started. "I mean, I've kind of felt pretty miserable this whole semester, but I didn't realize anyone else could tell."

"No, man," Jared finally said. "You just, didn't seem like yourself when you got back from winter break. Like you just didn't want to be here at all."

"I'm sorry," I started. I never really thought that the bad mood this semester put me in could really affect the people around me. "I've kind of been having a rough time. I guess I didn't think anyone else noticed."

"Don't worry about it, Hale. It's just nice to have you back," Paul replied.

Jared nodded in agreement, then asked: "What changed between yesterday and today?"

"Yeah, what happened?"

I grinned at both of them as I perched on Jared's desk chair. "Edward," I said. "Edward happened."

"So, you finally..." Jared asked with raised a eyebrow.

"No, no," I frowned. I was still preoccupied about Edward's comment about not wanting to worry about dating. "That'll happen, I'm sure. But, I think this was better. Are you sure you want to know?"

They both nodded.

"I realized that I love him," my grin returned. "And, he loves me, too."

Jared snorted, though not maliciously, but Paul smiled at me and said, "That's great, Jay. So, I take it you saw him last night?" He had finally asked Rachel out last semester and they were getting pretty serious, so I knew he understood.

"Well... it was more like this morning," I started. "It took me getting shitfaced, almost fucking my psych T.A.s roommate, and stumbling to Ed's dorm room at three in the morning, but yeah, after I puked my guts out this morning, I fessed up."

Jared was laughing, and I could see Paul trying not to.

"Go ahead and laugh."

Paul shook his head while letting out a guffaw, "In true Jasper fashion..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're like me, man. You go with your gut first and think about it later."

That was exactly like me.

"Speaking of guts, I need to eat something, something that my stomach won't revolt against. Wanna grab lunch?"

"I'll go with you, man," Jared stood up, then said in a sing-songy voice "Rachel's coming over."

Paul rolled his eyes, "And if you would stop trying to be such a manwhore, I'd set you up with one of her friends."

Jared punched Paul in the arm and then turned to me, "You sure you want to join the ranks of the pussy-whipped, er, dick-whipped in your case."

"You don't know Edward," I said with a shrug that contrasted with the stupid grin I just couldn't get to leave my face.

Jared simply shook his head at me, and we didn't bring up Edward again during lunch.

When I got back to my room later that day, though. I thought about what Jared was implying. I thought about the handful of guys I had drunkenly made out with. I thought about James. That's not what I wanted. I didn't want to play the field and hook up with guys whose last names, and in some cases first names, I didn't know. I knew I loved Edward. So what if I was inexperienced and, as my mom tried to tell me, "too young to know what I wanted." Paul was right, I did rely on my gut, and it never once led me wrong, at least, when I chose to listen to it. I had a strong feeling Edward was it for me, and I didn't care if it was foolish or romantic, I was surer of that than I was of anything. I would be more than happy to be dick-whipped by Edward Cullen, figuratively, of course. Well, maybe literally, too.

I was still too chickenshit to ask him to be my boyfriend, though.

The week went by slowly.

I purposefully ran into Edward on campus a few times, after forcing Alice to give me his class schedule. It was all I could do not to pull him into my arms and kiss the life out of him when I saw him with his messenger bag, covered with buttons, slung over his shoulder. One day he was wearing his glasses, and I nearly did jump him in the middle of campus.

It really made me question how much affection I was willing to show in public. In daylight. When I was sober.

I wasn't fully out of the closet by any means, but it was getting easier for me to utter the words, "I'm gay." Occasionally, someone would write "fag" on Felix's whiteboard that hung on our door. I was actually surprised at how pissed off he got about it. Not because they wrote it on his board, or because he thought it could be linked to him in some way, but because of how stupid it was.

"What is that going to accomplish? It's juvenile name-calling. I'd like to see them say it to your face." His eyes didn't leave his computer screen as he ranted after it happened for a third time.

Listening to Felix rant was usually pretty funny, because it was almost always about Windows products, and I really had no idea what he was talking about. But, I was actually kind of touched that he got upset over me being called a "fag."

"I guess I kind of expect it," I tried to brush it off, remembering the time I kissed Edward outside his dorm.

"But, you shouldn't have to! It's just like me getting beat up for being a nerd in Middle School. I can't help it that I'm smart and happen to like computers!"

With every exclamation, Felix was punching his keyboard harder as he took out his aggression in whatever shooter he was playing.

I guess Felix and I had something in common after all.

I could easily see myself holding Edward's hand in public. Or greeting him with a kiss. Or being one of those annoying people who puts their hand in their significant other's back pocket while walking. I'd really use any excuse to touch Ed's ass. However, I had yet to figure out if Edward even wanted to be my boyfriend. So, when I walked him to his Bio lab on Friday, I settled for nudging him affectionately with my shoulder. The crooked grin he gave me in response damn near made me melt.

Edward and I had been talking on the phone more nights than not. He usually got in pretty late from working on whatever this mid-term project was, but I gladly suffered sleep-deprivation in order to hear his tired voice.

Even though he called me from Forks, I about went out of my mind that weekend. Normally, I would have been drinking myself into a stupor, but now that I decided to stop playing the partying game, I was sort of bored.

Thank god for NCAA basketball.

The regular season was starting to wind down, so there were all kinds of games on TV. Jared and I barely left their room the entire weekend, our eyes glued to the TV, and we mocked Paul mercilessly for missing the Stanford-USC game to do something with Rachel.

"That's another bonus in being gay," I smirked. "Ed likes sports as much as I do."

"When are you going to bring this kid around, Hale? I'm starting to think he doesn't exist."

"He's a busy guy. I'm probably not even going to see him until next week."

"Too busy to get the third degree from your friends?"

"He's working on some big presentation that's, like, worth half of his grade in one of his classes."

"Ah hah," Jerad said knowingly. "That makes sense."

"What makes sense?"

"You seem like the type to go for a nerd."

"I do? Wait. Edward isn't a nerd."

"Whatever you say, Hale," Jerad replied, clearly not believing me. "Until I meet him, I'm picturing Steve Urkel."

I punched Jared in the arm. Luckily the game came back on, and I didn't have to endure anymore of his teasing.

I didn't get to see Edward until Wednesday.

For our first date.

Well, it was partly a study date. We were meeting for lunch and then going to Ed's favorite coffee shop to do homework together. It was going to be the first time I cracked a book all week. I was almost hoping that Edward's discipline would rub off on me.

I was on time meeting Edward, but he had already arrived and was waiting outside.

Fuck. He was hot.

He was leaning against the building, Steve Perry-style, with one knee bent up against the wall. He had on Kenneth Cole motorcycle boots that I knew Alice had bought for him. Those were followed by a pair of boot-cut black jeans, and even though his back was against the wall, I knew his ass looked absolutely fuckable in them. He finished off the outfit with a black button-down. The top button was undone and the sleeves were rolled up. The best part was that he looked so nonchalant. He had no clue how gorgeous he was.

And, if the way he was looking at me was any indication, he found me just as attractive. The way he looked at my chest always made me feel objectified, but in the best way possible. I, of course, had my outfit picked out since we made plans on Monday, after almost an hour of trying on things in front of Alice. I had decided to go for my strategically torn jeans and a blue button down that brought out the blue in my eyes.

We started out at the Chinese restaurant that Edward liked. Supposedly they had the best Chinese food in this area of the city, but I hated Chinese food. Eventually, I fessed up, and Edward agreed to go get Indian food. I quickly found that just being around Edward made me want to be affectionate. I even kissed him on the cheek in the middle of the restaurant. If anyone saw, I didn't notice.

It made Edward blush and smile, though.

I grabbed his hand as we walked to the Indian restaurant. Though, truth be told, I did look around to see if there were a lot of other people around to notice us. I didn't like that I was so concerned with what other people thought, but my self-preservation instinct was just too strong.

During lunch, we pretty much played a game of Twenty Questions. Edward claimed he didn't feel like he knew me very well, but really, it was just the superficial stuff I didn't know about him. I already knew he ran his hands through his hair when he was nervous. I knew he washed his hands before eating a meal, because of all his knowledge about germs and diseases. I knew his left foot turned in a little when he ran. I knew he would do anything for either of his siblings, even if it meant being Emmett's wrestling dummy or Alice's shopping partner. I knew he was allergic to pet dander, and that's why the Cullen kids never had a dog or cat growing up. But, it was nice to learn the superficial things, too.

After lunch, we walked to Edward's coffee shop.

I thought it was funny that he had a favorite coffee shop. He was addicted to coffee, so I teased him about it stunting his growth. He rolled his eyes at me.

"You know you like being taller than me," he responded.

"I'm not that much taller than you. See? Our hands are at the same height," I laced my fingers through his. It felt good, right, holding his hand, even as we cut across campus where people could see us. I found that when I focused on feeling connected to Edward, I was able to ignore everyone else around us.

While we sat at quiet table in the corner. I tried to read my Psychology book. It was just an intro class, but we had an exam on Friday. I just couldn't concentrate on it; it was a lot easier to watch Edward. He was doing Calculus homework, and he looked absolutely adorable when he furrowed his brow while deep in thought or when he chewed on the end of his pencil. He did his homework on graph paper, and I was fascinated by his handwriting. It was neat and controlled and looked like it belonged to someone who hadn't grown up in the age of technology. He really was kind of a nerd.

But, he was a hot nerd.

He caught me staring at him a few times, but I tried my best to keep quiet and let him work. Of course, sometimes I would "accidentally" brush my leg up against his. And once, I couldn't refrain from tucking one of his stray hairs back in place. I probably could have sat watching him for hours, but when he finally deemed himself finished, I hopped out of the chair a little too quickly.

I walked with Edward back to his dorm, partly to be a gentleman and partly because I wanted to attack him. Sitting across from Edward all afternoon was making me ache to touch him. As soon as we were back in his room, I practically tackled him onto the futon. I savored the way he felt underneath me. His body was slender, but hard and utterly lickable. I had missed it during the long months when I had been foolishly oblivious to his love. As I explored his mouth with my tongue, his hands drifted up to grip my hair. I loved the way Edward tugged my hair, and I'm pretty sure he knew it.

In retaliation, I lined up my hips to his and pressed my hard on against him, causing him to hiss and raise his own hips up, causing even more friction. I was really embarrassingly close to coming in my jeans, so I sat back on my heels and started unbuttoning my shirt.

Was I exploiting Edward's fondness for my chest?

Yes.

But, it was worth it. In a flurry of motion, I found myself sans shirt and being pulled down against Edward's equally bare chest. Edward was being forceful and impatient, and I loved it. I again went from zero to sixty in about two seconds, and I continued my dry-humping.

Until Emmett and Edward's roommate had to spoil the moment. Damn cockblockers.

I didn't see much of Edward for the rest of the week.

Until he called me on Saturday.

"Hey, Jasper? It's Edward." It was so sweet, the way he identified himself to me on the phone. Even though he knew I had caller ID; not to mention, I would recognize his sweet voice anywhere.

"I know, babe," I teased.

"Right, well, I have to go over to Emmett's to take care of his ficus and feed Patrick and Squidward." Only Emmett could get away with being a 20-year-old man who named his goldfish after Spongebob characters. "Do you, you know, would you like to come with me? Get off campus for a little while? It will probably be boring, but-"

"I'd love to," I cut him off. The boy rambled when he was nervous, and it was absolutely adorable.

He must have walked over to my dorm almost as soon as he got off the phone, because when I heard a knock on the door a few minutes later, I was surprised to see him standing on the other side so soon.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Hi," he responded and looked down at his shoes.

I almost laughed at how awkward we were. Instead, I swung the door back so he could enter the room and closed it behind him. He remained standing, so I advanced toward him like I would approach a dog that didn't know my scent. When I was close enough, I reached out my hand and lifted his chin before pressing my lips softly against his.

He sighed into them, and a moment later I felt his fingers curling into the hair at the back of my neck. He parted his lips, and I took the opportunity to press my tongue into his mouth, tasting him. I could never get tired of kissing Edward.

Eventually, he broke away and panted, "Emmett... plants..."

"Right," I murmured against his lips.

I tried to kiss him again, but he playfully slapped my chest.

"We can make out after we water his plants."

"Fine, fine."

We walked to Emmett's place, which was in an apartment complex near campus. I had been over there a few times to hang out. Every time I was there, I could see more and more of my sister's influence on him. Emmett wasn't a slob, but he was a typical guy. He was capable of going days without doing dishes, weeks without doing laundry, and I'm sure without Rosalie's staying over would never clean his bathroom. But, his apartment was damn near spotless. It didn't look at all like a single man's place anymore.

If I didn't know it before then, this was confirmation. Emmett was going to marry my sister.

I feed the fish, while Ed filled a watering can at the sink. He watered the fern in the living room, then disappeared into Emmett's bedroom.

"What the hell? My mom gave Emmett a ficus!" he exclaimed from the bedroom.

"What's the big deal about ficus? Er, ficuses? Fici?" I called as I headed toward the bedroom.

Edward laughed, "Fici?"

"Well, the plural of 'cactus' is 'cacti'!" I protested.

"I really never thought about it. I bet the plural is just 'ficus,' but, yeah, they're really finicky, sensitive to environmental conditions. I'm actually supposed to mist this damn thing," he called back, not noticing that I was standing in the doorway.

As I watched him fawn over the silly plant, something inside me unraveled. I didn't know anything else with any certainty other than that I needed Edward at that moment. I needed to touch him. To feel him. To love him.

I stalked toward him and wrapped my arms around him from behind, pressing an open-lipped kiss against the back of his neck.

In a flash, he spun around and his lips were on mine. His hands were all over my body, and I was melting into his touch. Before I knew it, we were on the bed.

Then, I realized what this meant. There was no one to interrupt us. No roommates. No siblings. No parents.

The usual rush of fire I felt around Edward began to smolder, and we began to devour each other – slowly and sensuously we savored with lips and teeth and tongues. The heat between us started to build, and when it became obvious that this was it, we both paused without a word. We lay on our sides, staring at each other.

We were ready.

Edward scrambled off the bed abruptly, and it took me a second to realize he was fumbling in Emmett's bedside table for condoms and some kind of lube.

Em and Rosie had probably fucked on every surface of this apartment, so there was no telling where condoms would be. Then, I remembered Rosalie wincing when I had lunch with her the other day. Apparently she hurt her tailbone doing some kind of acrobatic move in the shower that I really, really didn't want to think about.

While Edward searched in the bathroom, I retrieved my ipod from my jeans pocket where they had been carelessly tossed aside on the floor. I quickly put together as romantic a playlist as possible at the spur of the moment, heavy on the Motown and Jeff Buckley. I put it in Emmett's docking station, and it was to the quiet restraint of "Lover, You Should Have Come Over" that Edward entered the room.

I crawled across the bed toward him.

"Fuck, Jasper. You are so goddamn sexy," Edward's voice was low.

"It's all for you," I drawled.

I saw him twitch, and then the next second I was on my back with Edward on top of me - covering me with his lips, everywhere he could reach. When his fingers brushed against my side I tried not to laugh, but it was enough that Edward pulled away and balanced himself above me. There was nothing but love in his eyes as he gazed down on me.

I couldn't believe that even for a second I was thinking about doing this with anyone else.

He searched my eyes for a moment and I smiled up at him, trying to tell him everything I was feeling – gratitude, passion, joy. Whatever he was searching for, he found it. He leaned down slowly and wrapped his lips around my Adam's apple, causing a low, deep moan to escape me.

"How do you want to do this?" I murmured.

"I don't know. I always kind of assumed that I'd bottom, but I don't really know why, the alternative isn't exactly unappealing. I mean, I don't think it matters to me. I want to do everything with you," he rambled. I loved the way he rambled. Then, he asked, "But, what do you want?"

What I really wanted was to be as close to Edward as possible. I needed feel his body connected to mine. I wanted to join with him and never let go, never let this moment end, but I knew that wasn't possible.

I had thought about sex with Edward a lot, and I really wanted to try everything with him. It was always easier for me to think about him underneath me, spreading himself for me. Right then, though, I wanted him to be in control. I wanted to surrender to him completely.

He was looking at me expectantly.

"Well, I do like the idea of drilling that tight ass of yours," I started playfully.

He groaned.

Then, I lowered my voice and let my vulnerability show, "But Ed, I- I need you to- I need you to be inside me. Now."

And then, I attacked him. I slammed my lips against him, fueled by the idea of Edward being inside me.

Eventually, he broke away and we rearranged ourselves into a more comfortable position. I lay back with my legs spread, feet on the bed, hips raised and resting on a folded pillow. Edward was kneeling before me and he looked at me with so much reverence, the butterflies in my stomach stopped fluttering.

He finally moved and began to roll my balls in his hand. I was so transfixed by the boy that I could only watch as his head began to sink down between my legs.

I felt his warm breath first, but I was still shocked when he licked around my hole. It was surprisingly arousing, the warm wetness of his tongue provided a sensation unlike any other I had felt. As his tongue continued up to my shaft, I heard a cap snap open, and then he was sliding one of his long, dexterous fingers into my hole. The intrusion felt odd, but right somehow. I clenched a little and Edward moaned against my dick. He added another finger as he continued to tease me with his tongue.

Once he got a little bit of a rhythm going, it could feel myself enjoying the sensation. When I started bucking against his hand, he got the picture and rolled the condom down his dick, then covered it in lube.

"Are you sure?" He whispered to me.

"Please."

He pressed into me. It did hurt, a little, like being stretched in the wrong direction, but it wasn't a bad pain. The weird feeling was a lot more prominent.

As soon as he started moving, it began to feel really good. You just don't think about how many nerves are in there, but then, Edward shifted and brushed against something inside of me that was like an electric jolt.

Edward began to pull out and push back in, and I was spurring him on. I had softened when he first entered me, but now I was on the verge of shooting my load.

He leaned forward to kiss me, and the passion that sang between us was amplified. With his body pressing down on mine, I could feel every inch of his chest on mine, but it was more than that, I could just feel... him. His essence. His soul. I reached around and grabbed his ass with my hands, pushing him deeper into me, trying to increase the connection between us that was already starting to overwhelm me. A moment later, he took my hands and laced his fingers through mine, pinning my arms down above my head on the mattress.

His movement was starting to get more erratic.

I was so close to him, I could feel his climax reverberate through me.

Without even thinking about it, I took my right hand from the slackening grip of his left and snaked it between our bodies to grab my throbbing cock. As Edward continued to shudder above me, I gave myself a few strokes and came with a cry. In that moment of orgasm, I swear my heart stopped beating. I wasn't Jasper anymore, I was united with Edward somehow.

He collapsed next to me, and I could feel his body shake. When I turned my head, I realized that there were tears streaming down his face. His expression showed no trace of regret, it was just the intensity of the moment obviously getting to him. So, I held him tightly against me.

Once he regained a little more control, he started idly tracing his fingertips across my still sensitive body. When he dragged his hand across my stomach, through the drying cum, I could feel his body tense.

He brought his head up to look at me, and I could see disappointment written all over it.

Edward was exactly the type of guy who would feel bad for not bringing me off himself.

"I'm sorry- I didn't, you know, t- touch you while I-" he began.

"Edward," I said firmly. "You're killing my buzz. We have all the time in the world to coordinate reach arounds, or whatever, and mutual orgasms."

He looked at me and smiled softly, dropping his head back down to rest on my shoulder.

I wanted to stay forever in the little bubble that surrounded us then. There weren't any worries or distractions, it was just me and Edward. And we loved each other.

It was all too soon before we were getting out of bed and going through the motions of our lives.

After that taste of sex with Edward, I grew increasingly insatiable. Edward and I started sleeping over in each other's rooms a few nights a week. But, it was pretty much impossible for two grown men to try to sleep together comfortably in my loft, let alone to try to have sex in it. One night we slept on Edward's futon, but even though we had more room, it was still uncomfortable having the metal frame pressing into my back. Not to mention, Alec was sleeping a few feet away in the top bunk, so nothing happened other than an uncomfortable night's sleep. Though, it was still nice to be able to kiss Edward first thing in the morning.

I wanted to feel that intense closeness to Edward again, and the need to try topping him was becoming my obsession.

We needed a real bed. We needed privacy. We needed candles and quiet music. Not snoring roommates and loud neighbors on the other side of a cinder block wall.

I briefly considered renting a hotel room for an evening, but I could only afford a night at a Motel 6. Edward deserved the Crown Plaza.

So, I finally went to my last resort.

Emmett.

I knew Em was a little pissed about the fact that Edward and I used his bed to lose our virginities in, when Edward was just supposed to be watering his plants. But, it was more that he didn't want to picture his baby brother having sex at all, and now he had a reminder of it in his own bedroom.

Even so, I needed his help.

I waited until we were lifting weights at the gym to talk to him. Emmett was serious about his training for wrestling, so I decided it would be best to get him when he wouldn't be using every opportunity to be his big, dopey self.

We were at the bench press when I asked.

"Em, I need a favor."

"What is it, bro?"

I did another rep.

"Um, I don't even know how to ask you this."

"Look, Jazz, I know I'm a good looking guy, but even if you weren't dating my little brother, I'm still not going to fuck you. Rosie'd pitch a fit."

"Ha, ha. Funny," I grunted as a finished my last rep.

I got up from the bench, and Emmett switched places with me.

"Another 50?" I asked.

He nodded. It no longer pissed me off that Emmett could bench so much more than me.

After he finished his first set, I continued with my question.

"I need to borrow your apartment."

"Dude..." he started, and I knew I had to sell it.

"Listen, I don't want to give you any details. I just- I want to spend the night with Edward - the whole night - and... are you really going to make me say it?"

Emmett sat up on the bench and crossed his arms over his chest with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes, but continued. "I want to wake up next to him, okay. I want to wake up next to him and lie there without having muscle cramps and spasms from having two grown men try to share a cramped dorm bed. Frankly, I think they're just a mechanism to discriminate against gay men of above average height. We can't use the futon in my room, because there's not really enough room to fold it out. Plus, it's Felix's, and it's a fucking biohazard. There's no way Edward would agree to get naked on that thing."

Emmett held up a hand to stop me, "I don't want to picture my little brother naked."

"Your loss," I shrugged. "Anyway, Edward's roommate is usually in their room, so we can't really-"

"Okay, okay. You can borrow my apartment! When do you want it?"

"Sometime this weekend?"

"Fine. I'll stay at Rosie's on Friday, and you can cuddle Saturday morning to your heart's content."

I winced at the word "cuddle" and looked around to make sure no one heard him.

Emmett saw what I was doing and laughed, "Nothing to be ashamed of. I'm a cuddler, too. Repeat that and I'll kick your ass."

"Thanks, Em. I owe you one."

"One? Dude, you already played ass bandits on my bed once. Just make sure you wash the sheets. And, don't think this gets your boy off the hook from last time. I'm doing this as a favor to you and you alone. I'm bound to piss your sister off in the future, and I need you on my good side."

That Friday, I met Emmett on campus, and he gave me the key to his apartment.

Edward and I had planned on hanging out that night anyway, so I just called him and told him to meet me at Emmett's after his last class instead of coming to my room.

I had planned ahead and brought a bunch of candles with me. I spread them throughout the bedroom in places where it was unlikely that they'd set anything on fire, and I replaced the regular light bulbs in Emmett's lamps with red ones.

When I realized that it was time for Edward to be getting out of class, I went ahead and lit the candles. I was trying to find a place to strategically place the lube I had bought for the occasion when there was a knock on the front door.

For some reason, I was really nervous.

I swung the door open, and there he was - in a vintage Van Halen t-shirt that was only partially covered by his unbuttoned gray peacoat and well-loved blue jeans. His messenger bag was slung over his shoulder and he looked tired.

He grinned at me, though, transforming his face as he strolled into the apartment.

"Why'd you want to meet me here? Is Emmett around?"

I shook my head and tugged him to me, silencing him and answering his question at the same time with a kiss.

"What?" he began after I pulled away.

"Em's not going coming back until tomorrow afternoon."

He looked confused for a second before the realization set in.

"Oh!" he said brightly and thrust his lips against mine.

I forced myself to break the kiss.

"I thought we could order in dinner later, but first..." I trailed off and took Edward's hand, leading him into Emmett's bedroom.

I could feel Edward's eyes hungrily fixed on me, but he gave a soft gasp when he entered the room.

"Jasper, I- I don't know what to say," he whispered.

"Don't say anything, Edward. Just feel."

We didn't speak again until after we had undressed each other and had gotten each other riled up the way we always did. I was settled between Edward's parted legs, taking his cock deep into my throat, when I felt him tapping on my shoulder. I looked up.

"I want to wait. Until you're inside me," his voice was shaky.

"Are you sure? Because if you'd rather?"

"No, I want it, Jasper."

"Okay."

The butterflies returned to my stomach with full force.

I put a pillow under Edward the way he had done for me. It seemed to work all right last time. I wasn't sure I'd ever feel comfortable putting my tongue... there. The way he had done. But, I took my time in preparing Edward with my fingers.

When I finally did press into his tight channel, words failed to describe the sensation of his heat closing in around me. I knew I was going to come embarrassingly fast, but I also knew it was going to feel ridiculously good. So, I just gave in and tried to make Edward feel as good as possible.

The way Edward responded to me was incredible. He moaned and writhed, and it was honestly the first time I had really seen him lose control. It was so fucking hot I could feel myself on the edge.

I had to stop moving or I was going to come before him.

Instead, I grabbed his cock and began to jerk him off.

"Oh... fuck..." he started moaning. Hearing Edward curse always got me a little hot, and I couldn't help but start to thrust in and out of him again. It was hard to keep up both rhythms, but luckily Edward solved my dilemma, white ribbons of his cum spurting all over my hand as he groaned and panted.

The feeling of Edward's orgasm and the sounds he made were almost dizzying.

I hardly felt the usual tightening and tension building up, it was more like my climax was ripped from me. It was like hitting a wall, but the best feeling wall you could imagine.

Almost immediately I collapsed on top of Edward.

"I love you," I said into his shoulder.

"I love you, too," he said back as he tried to maneuver his way out from under my dead weight.

I relented and rolled off him.

We lay together in silence for awhile longer, side by side, both staring up at the ceiling. Eventually, Edward started fidgeting and rolled over on his side to look down at me.

"How'd you get Emmett to agree to this?"

"I'm not really sure, actually. I'm pretty sure he did or is about to do something to piss Rosie off, and he needs me to reason with her. So, yeah, he's not going to ease up on you about last time. Sorry."

"Em's still teasing me about the time I threw up in front of everyone after I finished my race at sectionals freshman year. I can take it."

"Good," I responded. "Because I didn't want you to get shit for me wanting to give you a romantic setting."

"Thank you, by the way," he said shyly. "I love that you did this for me."

He settled back down to lie next to me, this time with his head on my shoulder.

"Edward, there's another reason I wanted to do this for you."

"Mmm... why's that?" I could hear the tiredness I had seen on his face start to kick in.

"I- I just wanted to make sure you and I were on the same page."

"Same page?"

"I mean, I wanted to make sure that we agreed to be, you know, exclusive."

His green eyes sparkled down at me as he once again propped himself up on his elbow, "How could you think I'd ever want anyone else?"

"So, it'd be okay if I called you my boyfriend?"

"Yes," he smiled his crooked smile. "Yes, you can call me your boyfriend."

I beamed up at him.

Edward Cullen was my boyfriend.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I just have a compulsion to put them in homoerotic situations.

**A/N:** Finally some new material! I've made this offer to some of you individually, but of course it extends to all of you: although this can be read as a stand alone story, if there is any part of _Seven Minutes in Heaven_ you'd like to see Jasper cover, let me know, and I'll try to work it in.

Warning: Jasper gets a little political in this chapter. If the 1993 standoff at Waco is a sensitive topic for you, then just skip his little speech. It's only meant to show that Jasper has a head for history... and that I get a kick out of making him rant. I endorse nothing other than Edward and Jasper getting it on.

* * *

I finally bit the bullet and took Edward to meet Paul and Jared.

I was kind of glad I didn't have to go through this more than once. Emmett and Alice were two of my closest friends, so there was no need to introduce them. Likewise, I already knew Bella and Jacob, who were Edward's closest friends. At some point, I knew I was going to have to meet some of his other friends, especially those from the QSA, but he wasn't as close to them as I was to Paul and Jared. They were rapidly becoming like brothers to me. Maybe not as close as I was with Emmett, but I could definitely count on them if I needed to.

I decided that because an ambush from them was likely, it was best to have them meet in a neutral setting. So, I brought Edward to our weekly pickup basketball game at the rec center. Edward had protested a little, because he claimed he wasn't athletic and would make a fool of himself.

The truth was that although he was a runner, Edward had an unnatural grace to him and a killer jump shot. The boy wasn't going to drive to the hoop and didn't play gritty enough to be a great defender, but he was a natural shooting guard.

Edward fidgeted during the whole walk to the rec center.

"You grew up with Emmett for a big brother. You have nothing to worry about," I told him gently. It was really cute how nervous he was. I wondered how bad he would get whenever I introduced him to my parents as my boyfriend. Luckily, neither of us seemed too eager to get to that step.

"Yeah, but Emmett loves me. He doesn't have a choice."

"And?" I prompted.

"And your friends could hate me and try to convince you to never see me again."

"Babe, nothing in this world could convince me to never see you again. Plus, that's ridiculous, they'll love you. Just relax."

Edward stopped walking so that I had to stop and turn to face him. He was grinning his crooked smile I loved so much.

"What?" I asked.

"That's the second time you've called me 'babe.'"

"You like it?" I asked. I honestly hadn't noticed, it just slipped out. Plus, if there was ever a man in the world to be described as a 'babe,' it was Edward Cullen.

"I do like it."

The grin on his face was too cute. I closed the distance between us and planted a kiss on his lips in broad daylight in front of the gym. Before long, I was going to be riding parade floats in a banana hammock.

Actually, I bet my junk would look damn good in a banana hammock.

We swiped our ID s at the door to the rec center, then headed into the locker room to change. The game wasn't going to start for another half hour, but I wanted Edward to meet Paul and Jared before everyone else got there. We changed quickly and headed down to our reserved court to warm up.

Paul and Jared were already there, playing a game of HORSE.

They stopped as soon as they saw us, and stood with their arms crossed as if they were sizing Edward up.

"So, you're the famous Edward." Jared said, looking Edward up and down. "You don't look a thing like Steve Urkel."

Paul elbowed Jared, then stuck out his hand. "It's nice to finally meet you. Jasper talks about you all the time."

"I do not!" I protested with a blush.

Edward shrugged as he shook Paul's hand and then darted his eyes over to me. "Well, Jasper, I _am_ kind of a big deal."

I grinned. As much as I loved sweet and nervous Edward, cocky Edward was just as irresistible.

"But why the Steve Urkel comparison?" Edward turned to Jared.

"Jasper kept using some excuse that you were busy studying and that's why he never brought you over," Jared said with a laugh.

Edward shrugged, "I do study a lot. I have a heavy course load and am admittedly obsessed with my GPA. But, that's not the real reason Jasper hasn't brought me around."

"Oh yeah?"

"Nah, he's just embarrassed that you'll find out I can kick his ass at Madden."

It was true, actually, Edward had an uncanny ability to be instantly awesome at any video game he tried. Despite the dig at my expense, I was glad he felt comfortable enough to tease me in front of my friends. But, if he could dish it, he could take it.

"Keep it up and I'm not going to let you play on my team, nerd boy," I taunted.

"You don't want to do that," Edward warned in a mock serious voice.

"Why not?"

"One, because I am better than you at Madden and you know it. Two, they'll have me cover you, and I know plenty of ways to distract you," he said with a waggle of his eyebrows. "And three, I happen to know you like nerd boys."

Paul and Jared laughed as I lunged for Edward. I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back until he cried uncle.

"You'll fit in nicely, Edward," Paul said as I released him.

"Well, except for one thing," I said. "You've just been witnessing foreplay."

Paul started laughing. Jared groaned and put a hand over his eyes. Edward blushed, although he had a smirk on his face that told me it was okay. Even I was shocked at my openness. I still tended to avoid talking about sex to my friends. Edward just had a way of bringing out my boldness. Not to mention, even in a gym full of straight men, I had a weird animalistic need to mark Edward as my territory – figuratively, of course.

The guys we usually played with started showing up then, and eventually we had enough for a full five on five game. Edward and I had talked about it beforehand, and I didn't introduce Edward as my boyfriend to everyone else. It wasn't that I wanted to hide Edward, but I didn't always know all the guys that came to the game, and you never knew who would be a hatemonger. After everyone arrived, I was pretty sure all the guys playing with us already knew I was gay. I'm sure it didn't escape notice that I nearly got the ball taken away from me twice because I was checking out Edward's ass. Either way, no one said anything or gave us a hard time.

Despite his protests, Edward ended up playing really well.

He and Emmett had been playing in their driveway for years, and in my first years in Forks before Edward and I were really friends, I would join them on occasion. Add that to the fact that he and I were sort of just in tune with each other, I was somehow always able to find him when he was open. After he started draining threes, the other team accused me of bringing in a ringer.

"If you guys could set screens, you'd be up by 10, too," Jared taunted, taking the heat off an increasingly uncomfortable Edward.

We ended up winning by a pretty wide margin, even after Edward's hot shooting cooled off a little.

As soon as the game was over and we all shook hands, I noticed that Edward was still breathing really hard with his hands on his knees.

"Are you all right, Ed?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a little out of shape, I guess."

"Well, you're not used to playing a full court game," I reassured, putting my hand on his shoulder.

He straightened as Paul came over to us.

"Hey, they reopened the sauna, want to check it out?"

I looked at Edward, who shrugged. Then I thought about Edward wrapped in a towel, with sweat dripping off his flushed body.

"Yeah," my voice cracked. I cleared my throat, "Yeah, that'd be relaxing."

Edward smirked at me, as if he knew what I had been thinking. As we walked back to the locker room, he casually touched me a few times, and I knew he had known exactly what I was thinking.

I had been an athlete my whole life, and I knew well enough not to be affectionate with Edward in the locker room. Nevertheless, it didn't stop me from ogling the hell out of him. I tried not to watch him as we showered, but out of the corner of my eye, I couldn't help but look as he ran his fingers through his hair, rinsing out the shampoo. The one good thing about locker room etiquette was that hopefully no one else would notice that I was half hard.

I was quickly developing an Edward shower fantasy that wasn't going to be easy to fulfill. I couldn't ask Emmett to borrow his apartment again, especially not just for the sake of fucking his little brother senseless in the shower.

Eventually, Edward caught me staring at him. He combed his eyes up and down my chest for a second, before he mouthed the word "later" to me.

Jared caught me pouting in response and said, "Oh my god, Jay, you do have it bad, dude."

I sputtered as Edward turned and laughed.

The University was funny about their sauna policy, so we stayed in our shorts when we went into the steam room. At least I wouldn't have to deal with Edward in a towel that could just be casually tossed aside.

Even so, I had a hard time keeping my hands to myself. I had gone from joining the jocks at Forks High in their locker room conversations about nailing chicks to sitting with my thigh pressed up against my boyfriend's in the steam room in a little over a year. It might not be a lot, but I marveled at my progress. There was something to be said for feeling comfortable in your own skin.

I knew we were way closer than was socially acceptable between two men, but after Edward sat down, I couldn't help but touch him in some way. Paul and Edward were chatting about some computer program they both had to use for their science classes, but I tuned it out. Instead, I watched Edward's messy bronze hair grow limp from the steam and start to fall in his eyes.

I couldn't help myself and brought my hand up to brush the strands out of his face.

He smiled softly at my touch, but apparently he wasn't the only one who noticed my gesture.

"What'd you fucking say!" I heard Paul shout, and I turned my gaze from Edward to see Paul launching himself at some guy who had been sitting across from us on the other side of the sauna.

Jared and I grabbed Paul to hold him back, but he was struggling against us. I could only imagine what the guy had said, but it was obviously in response me and Edward.

"It's okay, man. It's just an ignorant asshole," Edward hissed as he glared at the jerk.

The guy muttered something else before giving us a pointed glare and stalking out of the sauna.

What was this? First Felix getting mad at the slurs on our door and now Paul nearly biting some guy's head off. I had to admit, it felt nice to have people defend me. I had never seen Paul snap like that, he was usually pretty mild mannered.

Paul stood seething for a second, and we had to get him to promise not to go after the guy. Frankly, I was a little more worried that the kid would complain to someone at the gym and get us in trouble.

"What'd he say?" I asked through gritted teeth once Paul seemed calmed down.

"The usual," Edward said sadly. "I really appreciate you standing up for us. People like that? There's just nothing you can do. Breaking his nose wouldn't make him any less of a bigot."

"I know," Paul had visibly calmed down. "I just wish I could do something."

The relaxing mood had been killed, so we rinsed off and got back into street clothes. I went back to Edward's dorm with him and finally got to run my fingers through his hair in peace. I tried not to think about the asshole in the sauna and focused on trying to get in my boyfriend's pants instead. We made out on the couch until Edward insisted he had to study.

He told me that I should get some of my own work and come back. I knew he mostly just wanted me to return so we could fool around later, which I was completely okay with, but I also knew that he was trying to be a good influence on me. For all he got teased for being a nerd, he was unapologetically a good academic, and being around him did make me want to _want_ to be a better student. But, it was really hard for me to find motivation.

I did, however, always enjoy watching him study. I tried to behave myself as best I could, but sometimes he would bite his lip in concentration and I would be a goner.

That night, I tried to finish my Econ homework, but after about an hour Edward got up to take out his contacts. When he turned to me in his glasses I had to suppress a groan.

"How's the economics homework looking?" he asked.

I started rubbing my dick through my jeans.

"Not nearly as good as you in your glasses."

"Jasper," Edward scolded.

"Keep talking, babe," I said as I unzipped my jeans.

"What are you doing?" Edward's eyes were wide.

"Watching you. Does it make you uncomfortable?"

He looked down and blushed.

"I guess it makes me a little self-conscious," he said quietly, but he didn't tell me to stop.

"You're gorgeous, Ed. I can't help myself."

I had taken my dick out and was stroking myself lazily.

"Alec could walk in," Edward reasoned.

"Then maybe you could help speed this up," I grinned.

"What would you like me to do?" He asked with a crooked smile.

"You could turn around slowly," I suggested. "Maybe bend over your desk."

"I was thinking about something a little more interactive," he said, lowering his voice.

"Oh, really?" My hand started moving faster on my cock, rubbing my thumb over the head.

He walked slowly toward me and put his knee down beside my lap where I sat on the futon. Then, he leaned down to kiss me. The way his glasses bumped into my nose probably shouldn't have turned me on so much, but it did. He put his other knee down beside my left leg and straddled my thighs.

He broke the kiss first and moved his lips to my ear. He dragged my lobe through his teeth the way I loved, then turned to plant a wet kiss behind it. I was thoroughly distracted by the sensation of his tongue tracing up the shell of my ear, that I nearly jumped when I felt his hand join mine on my dick.

His fingers covered mine as our hands worked together, stroking up faster and faster as the tension started to build in the pit of my stomach.

With his hot mouth against my neck and his hand tightening around my cock I was rushing toward completion.

"Come for me, love," Edward whispered in my ear.

He had never called me "love" like that before, in his low growling voice.

After a shockingly low number of strokes, my whole body tensed as I did what his sexy voice told me, coming in spurts, making a mess on our hands and my jeans.

Edward let go of my softening cock and brought his hand up to his lips, licking my spunk off it. He grinned at me.

"Now, what about you, gorgeous?" I asked after regaining my composure.

He shook his head. "I just wanted to do that for you."

It's possible I pouted.

"How 'bout I let you suck me off, later," he offered with a wink, before planting a soft kiss on my lips.

Needless to say, my Econ homework was turned in only half-finished, but Edward went to bed a happy boy.

I was so ready for the semester to end that I was starting to get irritable.

I was sitting in the middle of my American History class a few days later, listening to the professor drone on and on about the siege at Waco, when I snapped. The professor was beginning to rant about the interference of the military being an affront to our civil liberties, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I was sitting in an aisle seat in the lecture hall, and I finally just stood up.

"This is pointless," I said loudly, but to no one in particular.

"Excuse me?" The professor was looking at me like I was an idiot.

"With all due respect, this is pointless. Now, I'm not saying that it wasn't a tragedy, and I'm not saying that the government didn't over-react or take advantage of a loophole in the 1986 amendment to the Posse Comitatus Act. I mean, you're right, waiting for the end of the world doesn't mean that you're trying to take over the world. But, for you to take this as an opportunity to espouse all the ills of our government and how they use military force unnecessarily isn't helping anything. The Justice Department claims that the Branch Davidians started the fires, and whether they did or not it doesn't change the result. Now, I'm from Texas, don't look at me like that, and I'm telling you right now that people exactly like David Caresh are saying the very same thing you are. The difference is that they are going to do something about it, crazy as it may be, and you're just going to stand up there and whine in front of a bunch of bored college students, because you refuse to exercise your right to make your voice heard where it counts."

I leaned forward to grab my book bag as the professor stared at me agape.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm leaving," I said with a wave of my hand, effectively cutting off whatever he was going to retort. "By all means, continue, but I'm not listening to this bullshit."

A few students applauded as I stalked out of the room.

Luckily, there were only a few more weeks of classes left. The professor had no idea who I was and his teaching assistants would be giving out the final. I could stop going to class, attend the final, shove my exam in the middle of the pile, and the professor wouldn't be able to exact revenge on me. This was my easiest class, and the only one I actually did the readings for.

When I confessed to Edward why I didn't have to go to my earliest class that Friday, he just laughed. I thought he'd scold me for ditching the class and telling off the teacher, but he had the exact opposite reaction.

"You have no idea how many times I've wanted to do that."

"Oh, come on, really?"

"All the time! I did kind of get into an argument with my Philosophy instructor about time the other day."

"You argued with a teacher?" I couldn't picture Edward getting into an argument with someone who was supposed to teach him.

"I'm not as big of a brown-noser as you think! She insisted that time wasn't real, and I tried to reason with her."

"I take it you didn't win the argument," I teased.

"I was right. She just refused to yield," Edward said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well, I highly recommend causing a scene and storming out of the classroom," I joked.

"I'll keep that in mind."

The end of April brought with it the biannual meeting with my adviser to register for Fall classes. I dreaded going into the man's office. It wasn't that he wasn't a nice guy or anything, it was just that without doing anything other than his job, he made me feel like a first-class idiot for having shitty grades and no major.

"Have you thought any more about a major, Jasper?" were the first words out of his lips.

"I've ruled out some," I offered, which wasn't totally a lie. I knew I didn't want to deal with people in any large capacity.

"Well, that's a step. Let me be frank with you, Jasper. It's not your lack of major that's the most concerning thing here. It's your grades. Based on your midterm reports, you seem to be doing better this semester, but you still have Fs on your record."

I pinched my nose with my thumb and forefinger.

"I know, I know. I was dealing with some... personal shit- er, stuff earlier this year."

"Luckily these are gen-ed classes and they are being offered this summer. What I'd recommend is retaking them to bring these grades up. If you want to finish any degree here at UW, you're going to have to raise your grade point average."

Summer school. I wondered how I would explain that to my parents. Well, it's not like they were helping me out financially anyway.

"Okay," I said meekly.

I didn't really have much of a choice.

I met Edward for dinner that night at the cafeteria. It was the first time I had seen him in a couple days, because his nose had been buried in the books.

I really wasn't in the mood to have a serious discussion with him about school, but I knew I needed to tell him about summer school. We hadn't actually discussed our summer plans. I had a horrible feeling that he was going to go back to Forks. The Newtons loved Edward, they'd surely give him his summer job back. If I was stuck here taking classes, I wasn't sure I could handle being away from Edward for the summer.

I had horrible images in my head of a gay tour bus coming into Newton's Sporting Goods on their way to Vancouver and seducing Edward to go away with them.

I knew Edward loved me, but I didn't understand at all why. I was nothing special.

I didn't want him to see how insecure I felt about possibly being away from him for three months, so I tried to bring it up casually.

"So, what are you doing this summer?"

"Um, I was actually going to take some classes. I'm thinking of picking up a second major."

Although I loved that Edward was so smart, sometimes I couldn't help but feel like a complete imbecile around him. A second major? I didn't even have one.

"Well, I'm going to take a couple classes, too." I didn't feel the need to tell him right then that I was actually retaking French and Psychology. That was just a detail.

"Really?" Edward's face lit up. "You're not going back to Forks? Or Port Angeles?"

"Nope. They aren't hiring where I worked last summer, and frankly, I don't think I could ever go back to living with my parents again."

Edward looked at me thoughtfully.

"So, you're planning on staying in the dorms?"

I nodded and then grinned.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked.

Edward's grin matched mine. "I'll get the roommate request form tomorrow."

The next day, I told my parents I was going to take classes over the summer, and they didn't seem alarmed. I tried to stay casual when I mentioned I was going to be living in the dorms with Edward. I didn't really feel up to telling him that Edward and I were dating. They knew Ed was gay, but since they never really saw us together, I don't think they put two and two together.

I figured my mom would probably be okay with it. She really liked the Cullens and I had once heard her say that Edward was "a nice boy." That was the pinnacle of praise in her book.

My dad, on the other hand, well, I'm pretty sure that seeing me in the company of another man would bother him. To him, "gay" was just a word. If he didn't have to see it, he didn't have to think about it, and he could pretend it didn't exist. He lived his life according to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I tried to imagine being around him while holding hands with Edward or kissing him on the cheek. I could almost see the vein on his neck throbbing while he festered in silent disgust.

Regardless, they weren't aware I was essentially going to be living with my boyfriend for the summer, and that was okay with me.

First, I had to make it through an excruciating week of finals, and another two weeks before the summer session started. I spent that time in Forks trying to come up with excuses to go over to the Cullens' house. It was hard, though, to find any time alone with Edward. His parents didn't know we were dating, and I didn't want to neglect Alice or Emmett. They were my friends when Edward was just an elusive crush. At least now we could all hang out together without the awkward tension between Edward and I that marred our high school experiences.

There was only one real close call with Edward's parents. Alice, Rosalie and Emmett had joined Edward and me in the Cullens' basement for a Johnny Depp movie marathon. Edward was sitting curled up next to me on one of the couches when we heard the door open and Mrs. Cullen start to come down the stairs. Edward scrambled off me and pretended to be retrieving an errant popcorn kernel from in between the cushions to hide his blushing face.

Emmett teased him for being a pussy for a good, solid hour until I threatened to go home and tell my dad how the scratch on his truck really got there. Emmett and I both had so much dirt on each other, it wasn't funny, but it was enough to get him to shut up.

Edward was appreciative enough to give me a handjob in the bathroom between movies.

For once, I was excited about a school session starting.

As soon as we were alone in our dorm room, I knew I was going to have a hard time giving Edward enough space. I wanted to touch him all the time. Once we were free from roommates, and for the most part siblings, it was like it lit a fire inside me, and I needed him everywhere.

Luckily, since he only had two classes, Edward seemed to be of similar mind.

We fucked in the flimsy dorm beds.

We fucked on the desks.

We even fucked in the showers.

We only got caught once.

And that time, it was just by some drunk kid who was visiting his friend in the dorm for the weekend. He probably didn't remember hearing me groaning, "Fuck yourself on me, babe." Not to mention, he probably thought it was a chick in the shower with me. Anyway, we were the ones who had to listen to him take what sounded like a very satisfying whiz.

After the first time Edward let me fuck him in the shower, I started to become borderline obsessed with getting him naked and soapy. That one time fulfilled the fantasy I had had in the sauna, but it seemed to only fuel my imagination more.

Unfortunately, when you shared a bathroom with at least 30 other guys, it wasn't easy to find a time when no one would hear. Not to mention, the showers were small and the curtains didn't exactly offer all that much privacy. So, I paid way too much attention to bathroom traffic and figured out when the least used times of day were. I started going to the gym earlier and was sometimes able to convince Edward to come with me, so we would be back before the early risers started getting up.

If I put that kind of energy into my school work, I would have had a 4.0.

Edward tried to encourage me with my course work, but it just wasn't helping all that much. It didn't help that I could see what he was doing. I knew he was just trying to be supportive, and I did appreciate it. He never pushed me in a specific direction the way my family did. He genuinely tried to help me study and keep up with my assignments, and he talked to me without judgment about what I saw myself doing in the future.

I just couldn't see myself doing anything. I didn't like science enough to go into engineering like Rosalie. I did like to draw, but I wasn't really good with anything other than fashion sketches. I didn't have the patience to go into education. I hated math too much to go into anything related to business. I definitely didn't have Edward's brains or dedication to go into anything in the medical field.

One afternoon, I came back from my Psychology class to find Edward lying in bed with a textbook open in front of him. He looked engrossed in it, so I cleared my throat as I entered.

He lifted his head.

"How was class?"

"Ugh, I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't know, this is pretty interesting," Edward sounded like he meant it.

"Are you reading my Psychology book?"

Edward nodded.

"For fun?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, I already took this class, but our professor had us use a different text book. Didn't have all this stuff about abnormal psychology in it."

"So, have you figured out what's wrong with Emmett, yet?"

Edward snorted.

"I don't think Emmett's delightful combination of having been dropped on the head as a child and his Peter Pan Syndrome is covered in this chapter."

I laughed and stalked toward Edward, as he sprawled on the lower bunk of our stacked beds.

Upon reaching my destination, I snatched the book out of his hands, threw it aside and draped myself over his body.

"Jasper-"

I cut him off with a kiss.

He let me kiss him for a good minute before he wrenched himself away.

"Jasper, aren't you going to do your homework?"

"There are other things I'd rather do right now," I looked down at him pointedly.

"There are no deadlines with doing me," Edward countered back.

"Uh huh," I said before attacking his neck with my lips and teeth.

"It's really interesting material," Edward offered weakly. It wasn't all that difficult to seduce Edward, and we both knew I was going to triumph in this battle.

I pulled myself up a little and looked down at his shining green eyes.

"What? Is it going to tell me what's wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Jasper."

"Oh, there's something wrong with me all right," I said right before I shoved my tongue into his mouth again for another probing kiss. "Your dick's not up my ass."

"Fuck," Edward muttered.

"Exactly," I agreed.

I whipped my shirt up over my head, and the shift in weight caused my groin to press against Edward's. If he had any plans to protest and force me into doing my homework, they were effectively ended.

His hands were immediately on my chest, his fingertips traced my muscles lightly before pinching my nipples. I made him shed his own shirt, so I could press my bare skin against his while he pushed his lips up into mine.

I never tired of kissing Edward, especially like this, when we could just enjoy the feel of each other, and let the lust build without worry of distraction.

His fingers curled in my hair as the kiss grew heavier and more frantic. We parted for breath, but almost instantly my lips were on his neck and his chest, sucking on his slightly salty skin. I was so worked up that I starting grind against him. It wasn't long before he started pushing his hips up to meet mine. I also never got tired of feeling Edward's dick, hard and pressing against me, even through layers of clothing.

His hands came up to my belt buckle, and with no argument from me, he was unbuckling, unzipping, and freeing me from the denim. He tossed the Seven jeans I had gotten on sale last month aside, while I worked the khaki cargo shorts off his body. I hated the ugly things and they made Edward look like a damn frat boy, but he insisted that they were comfortable and agreed only to wear them when I wasn't with him for an extended period of time.

I wanted to tear his boxers off too, but I held onto the idea of working him into a frenzy first. So, I got back on top of him and continued grinding against him, until he was the one to put an end to it. It didn't take long.

"Jasper," he groaned. "Need you."

I loved it when he got so horny he was rendered incoherent. I pushed myself off him, and we both scrambled around the room for lube and a condom.

Eventually, I found the bottle under our small loveseat, as Edward retrieved the box of condoms that had fallen behind his desk.

"Lie down," he murmured, as we both returned to the bottom bunk.

I slipped out of my boxer-briefs, then got on my stomach and hugged the pillow at the head of the bed.

He lay beside me, quickly stretching me with a slicked finger. Then, I could almost feel his whole weight on me as he rolled over, replacing his finger with something much larger.

I groaned loudly as he entered me. He let me adjust, before pulling out slowly a few inches and pressing back in. He continued that way, barely moving in and out of me, building up gradually.

I was a whimpering mess when Edward came. It felt incredible when he shuddered above me, so close as we were it was almost like I had come too. Before he had even finished coming down from his bliss, he rolled me over and sucked me off in minutes. Only then did he collapse in the after glow.

I curled up against Edward in the tiny bed afterward as he napped, and I tried to quash the creeping feeling that I was going to be in trouble if I didn't start taking school more seriously. Eventually, Edward shifted onto his side, and I draped an arm over his waist. Even in his sleeping state, his hand instinctively came up to cover mine.

School work could wait another day.

It was a game of denial I was playing, but it was just so easy to forget all my problems and lose myself in Edward's touch.

* * *

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